Just be

Category: happy

  • A Moment to be Thankful

    A Moment to be Thankful

    I am currently sitting in one of my favorite places in the world-feeling the goodness of life.

    A few things I am extremely grateful for…

    • Being alive-how often do we actually take a moment and appreciate being ALIVE.

    I am so lucky that I get to live this life, my life.

    • Living somewhere that no matter where I travel to and what I see, I am always excited to come home.

    المغرب

    • The PEOPLE-the people in my life-worldwide. It is hard to believe that this little Spokane girl went international.
    • The familyships, my sisters-the women I have met along the way who have become family.
    May everyone meet people along their journey who become literally-family.

    شكراً بزاف، أخواتي

    The people that aren’t just passing through…

    the ones that have left a permanent imprint on my heart.

    The people that make my life happier.

    شكراً على كلشي، الله يخليك ليا

    • My teaching partners

    Teaching is HARD. These people make it possible.

    In the USA, Japan and Morocco-coworkers that have become my people…I was placed with random people to be partners with in the adventure of teaching. A teaching partner is defined as individuals that work alongside each other in the classroom…These people have become some of my dearest friends…People that I live alongside.

    • Adventures-airplanes, trains, boats, taxis…
    Especially…my own two feet.
    • My family
    Where life began

    The most wondrous thing about family is that there are some things only we can understand. Our experiences together, the jokes and the storms we have weathered.

    Sometimes I feel guilty for leaving home. I’m sad about missing out on being an auntie, a sister, a friend and a daughter…while it’s heart breaking, it’s also heart building. I bring along everything I know and love, wherever I go. I’m building the life my parents raised me to build. I’m becoming who I’m meant to be, because of who I came from. So when sadness knocks on my door-I allow her in and I cry. I cry for all that I miss and those that I love…and I thank sadness for reminding me that big love exists & knows no distance.

    • Moroccan celebrations
    May everyone experience a Moroccan wedding at least once in their life.
    • Sunsets-I’ve also fallen in love with moonrises and moonsets.

    What I love about the sun and the moon is the connection it gives us. When I am saying goodbye to the sun others are just saying hello to it. We are wishing on the same stars, gazing at the same moon.

    While the sun is setting for me, it is rising for my family. I find comfort in this. It reminds me that we are one.

    • The ocean&sea-The Atlantic, Pacific, Indian, Mediterranean&Tyrrhenian Sea…and the rest I have yet to see. Yet another way we are all connected.
    • Animals-they make the world a better place. Pure and limitless love.
    • Growing up in the 90’s & 2000’s.

    We were LUCKY to live in a generation where technology was gearing up but not taking over. Having to record songs on the radio, watch commercials, take your change to the Coinstar. Lemonade stands and rollerblading. Tree houses and neighborhood hide and seek.

    • The love of my life

    شكراً بزاف، يا حياتي

    I traveled the world to discover the love of a lifetime. Never did I dream that I’d meet someone that I share such a mutual love for life, the world, people, and the magic of being.

    I knew I would never settle & now I know why.

    I’ve learned that while looking out at the view- sometimes the view is right here-We are the view.

    I haven’t shared as much of my life or my people with you since I moved to Morocco. I’ve been grappling with the mystery of…when you have a treasure-should you share it with the world or keep it private?

    So, I’m living Ma’Roccan (my-rocking, get it??) life and I hope you are too.

    While I am often in awe of my own life, don’t forget that your life is magical too. I have a superpower of finding the happy in every crack in the sidewalk. Become an expert in identifying magic (rainbows, butterflies, the moon, stars, sun, airplanes, hugs, new socks, a new song, AN old song, birds chirping, a hot shower, a COLD shower, sun dried laundry or machine dried, a good sleep, waking up, the feeling of laying in bed with nowhere to go but to sleep..). Pretend it is your first time driving or brushing your teeth. How silly would it feel to be brushing your teeth for the first time?! See and feel things for the first time again and you will be surprised how quick excitement and joy floods your life.

    Once you become an expert in noticing everyday magic, magic in the mundane, living happier becomes the baseline.

    To living happier

    illies

  • Just Start

    Just Start

    It has been so long that getting started has been daunting. Do I look back at the past and begin where I left off? Do I look to the future and what is coming? Or do I start where I am at? My goal is to start—so I’ll just start.

    I have been living and loving in Morocco for 2 and a half years. In that time my dad has visited 4 times and my mama, once. Hamdullah. I live more than 5,000 miles away from my parents. Yet, I have spent more quality time with them in the past two years than I would if I lived in the same city. Last year I only spent 5 months without one of my parents by my side. I am so thankful for this. Mom and I even got to adventure into the UK and Ireland before we journeyed home for the summer. A few months back I told my dad— I need you. He got on a plane 4 days later. My parents are legends. They leave a mark wherever they go, but the biggest one of all, on me.

    Grocery shopping is still overwhelming and maybe it will be until I can communicate clearly. I am learning the language slowly, but surely. It will take some time, but my vocabulary is growing. I have met some of my favorite people in the world here. One woman that particularly comes to mind is who I call my Moroccan Mama. She speaks Darija (the Arabic dialect spoken in Morocco) and the first year I was purely English. Now I have a little Darija/Arabic under my belt, but our communication is flawless. We have perfected it. People love to see us communicate because our baseline communication is love. We understand one another.

    My apartment has an unbeatable view of the ocean. However, I am in the city center and the quiet falls between 4 and 6 in the morning.

    You know when I moved here, the people who met me the first day bet that I wouldn’t last a year. I love them both dearly, so it makes me giggle that they had the odds stacked against me. You would have to if you saw me my first two weeks here. It is incredible, the strength and grit you can find within. Now, Morocco is also my home.

    My bike isn’t as useful here as it was in Japan. The traffic is big city traffic, and the roadways are on par with Spokane in terms of potholes.

    I have enjoyed sunsets and moonsets alike. I have slept under the stars in the Sahara and on the beach. I have spent time in villages where people use donkeys and horses for transportation. I have seen a house be built from the ground up, out of stones, with no machinery. I have seen a blind man lead his herd of sheep. This is Morocco. What we may call impossible is a day in the life here. Morocco is a place of dreams and inspiration, where the impossible is possible.

    Looking back at my incredible journey with elephants and lions, and the fears I confronted… I set out on a similar adventure this past summer. I did a 10-day silent meditation retreat, a challenge that tested every fiber of my being. I went deep into my heart, mind, and soul, unearthing many emotions and experiences. I don’t know if I will do one of these again, but I remain grateful for the healing that began. After this course I got to fill the rest of the summer with a love story of its own. My two worlds got to mix. My people from home got to meet my person from Morocco, my person got to meet my people. A first time, wondrous experience.

    Homesickness comes and goes—so summers are reserved for home as well as winter breaks when it is possible. I would like to get back to writing— I want to write a book. Considering the tools and resources available these days, I should be able to figure out how exactly to do it. However, any advice is welcome.

    I will leave you with some life lessons from Dad in the recent past:

    No decision is a decision.

    You have 2 choices—Make a change, or don’t.

    When given bad news, don’t fly off the handle right away…most problems will take care of themselves as long as you don’t make them worse.

    So, I started.

    All the sparkles ✨

    illies

  • Walkin’ on Sunshine ☀️

    Walkin’ on Sunshine ☀️

    Found a note that I started on my computer during my flight home!

    December 19th, 2021:

    Watching the sunrise above the clouds with the stars still sparkling. When these two meet, magic happens. The sun is rising while the moon is setting, the stars are shining while the clouds are changing colors, welcoming the new day. Like a birthday party for a brand new day!

    My first international flight in 3 years. The excitement, adventure and opportunities that this trip will bring are as great as the opportunity of a new day. Infinite.

    My covid experience was not knowing if I would hug my parents again. 

    In 2 hours I hit ground in Seattle, Washington.

    My trip started off in a new way. A great family, dear friends, brought me to the airport, parked and walked me in. They saw me off and boy did it feel like the sunrise meeting the moon set. Calm, peaceful and pure. To start my trip in such a way, I know that I have some great days ahead. 

    Familyships

    How could they not be, after all?

    … Back to present day:

    Last year, 2021, I was on a night dive, under water to bring in the the new year. 2021 consisted of 50+ dives around Japan, which is a lot for a girl who had never been under ocean water before. This year, 2022, I was on my way back to Japan, over the clouds. When I was younger I always heard *How you bring in the new year is how you spend the year. While I don’t put all my eggs in that basket, I know this year will be exciting and it is starting off with my head above the clouds.

    February:

    March! My favorite month. February was one for the books this year and I know March will be the same.

    I went to visit the place I use to be from…My first home away from home. Nishinomiya, Hyogo was a lot of firsts for me…I’d never left America and only visited a handful of states before getting my passport at 28 and moving here. I turned in my car keys, packed 3 suitcases and got a one way ticket to Japan for what I thought would be two years MAX. Here I am three and a half years later. My first: foreign country, train ride, chopstick use, sushi, raw fish, public bath, taxi ride and the gathering of my fragmented soul. It was also my first starting from the ground up building: familyships, friendships, a new language and career. It was my first time without: a car, an animal, gatorade, hot tamales, starbursts, pralines and cream ice cream…

    Living a life I never dreamed of, MAGIC.

    I am often smiling when I get on my bike because I am 31 years old, in a foreign country that I call home, RIDING my bike to the train station to go on a little adventure. COME ON now, does it get better than this?!

    I learned a more about living the past 3.5 years than I could have in a lifetime- if I didn’t take this opportunity. I feel that I have navigated and become better from each experience. I have learned about a new culture. The things I thought I would never understand are now normal. I think that is how I knew it was time to move on to the next adventure.

    This feeling is one I am familiar with…I’m not scared of where I’m going, I am lucky to have a life full of love to leave. Hard goodbyes are the best because where a difficult goodbye exists, love lives. Anywhere love lives, count me in.

    Most days I feel like I am walking on sunshine, sliding down rainbows. It is like I have these HAPPY glasses that I wear around. I find happiness in everything. Some may think I don’t see the realness in life but really, I find happy in that too. The other day my hands were so cold I could have broken my fingers off. I laughed. Stubbing my toe, hilarious. The hard stuff too, I may not always find happiness in it because let’s be real…there isn’t happiness in hurting someone you care about, a broken heart, the loss of a friend or the disappointment of a letdown. I do always recognize that the set back, is the set up. The cards are stacked in my favor and regardless of what it is, I will grow and become better, braver, stronger and wiser.

    Smile, it makes a difference. Laugh, it changes your life.

    Spring is here. Cherry blossoms are beginning. I use to feel restlessness in Spring. Now I feel hope, wonder and magic because I am at home with myself. What a wonderful place to be.

    I am 15 months hangover free and 30 pounds lighter. I was thinking this morning while getting ready for work, I have been living alone for 4 years, single for 5+. Sneaking up on 32 years old, I thought I would possibly be married by now and absolutely have children. Like I said…I am living a life that wasn’t even in my wildest dreams and it turns out, it’s perfect for me.

    There is always time to begin again.

    Love more, the world needs it.

    All the love and all the power.

    illies

    Rachel

  • Compilation: The first half of 2021

    Compilation: The first half of 2021

    Alright, alright alright! Here we go. I had 5 blogs started so I’m going to throw them altogether and see what I end up with. So-here we go. My first half of 2021 in review.

    January 2021:

    2021! Welcome. This year is off to an extra special start.

    Where were you when the new year struck?

    Me, I was under water on a night dive. I entered the water in the last hour of 2020 and I exited within the first hour of 2021!

    It was an exciting experience. In the past month I have gone from a 1 dive girl to double digits-17 dives deep! I am working on getting my advanced open water diving certificate.

    Under water is really a cool place to be. I was asked while on a dive trip with my favorite dive shop- OhanaWith in Numazu.

    Why did you start diving?

    The easy answer…I don’t know.

    The real answer…I wanted to do something I was scared of. That is why I started. I’m continuing it because I want to master something that I never thought I’d do. I want to master this new exciting hobby that is bringing joy, health and wealth into my life.

    I’m reflecting a bit on some of the heart work I’ve been doing. I’ve hosted some resentment within me because I felt invisible at times throughout my life. I thought others weren’t seeing me…turns out-I made myself invisible.

    This is a hard reality for me to stomach. Why would someone want to be invisible?

    Well-the answer is-at times it probably saved my life. There were times it was safe and easy to be invisible. It was something I held tight to unknowingly though and I’m ready to let it go.

    This winter I had a moment where I tried to go invisible. I felt like a hassle to those I was with and I felt unwanted. This in no way was what was happening but in my mind, it was. That is where I need to expand my heart, mind and soul. This only reflects myself, the way I feel about myself. I developed this victim mentality that I thought I let go of years ago. I remember being a teenager thinking “Why is this happening to me…” I now know that the things that I thought were happening to me…were not even about me. It was about them.

    February 2021:

    Lose yo’self.

    Not.

    March 2021

    There is only one way forward…and that is forward.

    I rented a motorcycle. What an ADVENTURE. During my 24 hour rental I had this…revelation. The only way forward, is…drumroll please……………….

    FORWARD

    Seems obvious. However, when we drive, we look back with the mirrors. On the motorcycle there were times when I was looking back, so concerned that I was an inconvience for the person behind me, I would pull over. The mirror is an important tool. Necessary for safety and more importantly, is what is ahead.

    I am…The person I want to be. Each day I strive to be better than the day before. My call of action-reflection, action, manifestation.

    April 2021

    Life is full of big decisions. Ones that change a moment, a day, and your entire life.

    Frightening or freeing depending on how you look at it.

    I’m days off of Zoloft which I’ve taken since I was 23 years old. Frightening or freeing depending on how I see it.

    May 2021

    Started Aikido and came while reading a book about it I came across the FAQ.

    Does Aikido make you “strong”?

    Answer: The development of spiritual strength will give you the unshakable confidence to meet any challenge that is true strength.

    June 2021

    The wisdom inside of you-the you inside of you that loves you more than anybody else in the world-That you doesn’t need to be found, they need to be uncovered. -Annie Grace words. Powerful.

    Too drunk to drive in the morning. THE NEXT MORNING. Has that ever happened to you?

    You ever laughed about that with friends the next morning?

    I wish I could say no-. However, at that time in my life I actually thought it was funny.

    Seems like ages ago. Well those mornings have been years ago. I took breaks from drinking here and there. Months at a time. Now, I’m currently on my 6th month of choosing not to drink-because I don’t want to. Who knew, paradise was right here in my own home. Saturnine mornings, 5 AM woken up by the sunlight, refreshed and ready to start the day. Headaches that are curable, anxiety that is non-existent. It took me awhile to make this a solid space of living and now that I have I often find myself so happy at myself because I am able to rise with the sun, headache free and happy.

    Not only headache free. I’m nearly 2 months Zoloft free.

    8 years of Zoloft. I thought I was taking a pill that kept me safe. Made me feel safe. Took care of my nightmares…I thought a pill was that magical. Little did I know, I hold so much more power within myself.

    I am that powerful.

    I was told I would likely be on Zoloft the rest of my life. Thankfully, I found myself in a safe situation, place and environment where I was able to give it a go. The withdrawals were notable. The chills, headaches, dizziness and nightmares came and have since went.

    

    One night…So notable I am going to share it. This was a week or so off of Zoloft and the nightmares that began all those years ago returned. I woke up and began to panic. I was crying, unable to calm myself and I was awake. I was looking around my room trying to convince myself that I was safe-because I was.

    This night, it took me 20 minutes with some help of my energy sensei to get back to center in a place where I was able to lay back down. When I began Zoloft it was because I had these same nightmares and I would stay up the entire night, scared out of my mind. This was the same nightmare but this time instead of 12 plus hours to get back in my body, right here right now, it took me 20 minutes. Growth.

    This first six months of 2021 has been a lot of heart, mind, soul growth and expansion. It’s been healthy. I’ve been practicing energy work, wim hof, ocean diving, aikido and added some new ink to my body too. One more dive course and I’m into the rhelm of professional divers. YES!

    Life is easy and life is good. Let it be.

    https://videopress.com/v/PAAiysIK?preloadContent=metadata

    Here’s to the next six months of magic.

    illies

    Rachel

  • Autumn Orange Slices and Capri Suns

    Autumn Orange Slices and Capri Suns

    The fall this year has got me all up in my feelings.

    The cool breeze in the mornings in hand with the sunshine takes me back to the age of 7 or so.

    Getting up early when the grass has a bit of dew on it, sleep in my eyes and a box full of capri suns and squeeze-its ready for the end of the game celebration. 2-4-6-8 who do we appreciateeeeeeeee.

    The weekend soccer games. Each day on my way to work, that is what I’m thinking about. It is the perfect combination of sunshine and autumn air taking me back.

    Freezing in the morning and sweating by half time. Orange slices at half time and a smile from mom and dad.

    These weekend full of soccer games haven’t crossed my mind before.

    I love the way the air feels in the fall but right now, it’s not only the fall air. It feels different and it is taking me back to when I was a little girl.

    I think maybe that little girl is trying to catch up to me and where I’m at now.

    I miss waking up in the same house as my parents. I miss my mom saying “time to get up” each morning. I miss falling asleep to the sound of my moms voice.

    On weekends (he still would if I was there) my dad would come in my room by about 8am and say “RACHEL YOU’RE LATE FOR SCHOOL”. I’d still jump out of bed in a panic. Then I’d be up just to see what was in store from father. Likely a harbor freight run. He LOVES that place.

    I miss going to baskin robins every night of the summer for a scoop of ice cream with my dad, driving around listening to Steely Dan and Bye Bye Miss American Pie.

    When I was little I dreaded the car/boat/motorcycle/craft show. At about 20 I became interested in them and before I moved these shows had become an annual event.

    HappySad.

    Looking back is always hard. I wish it made me happy and maybe it will one day but right now, it’s hard, it hurts and it makes me sad. I also feel these emotions when looking too far into the future.

    Working on being right here, right now. Soaking up the autumn mornings and letting the sun help me to shine brighter.

    The brighter I shine, the brighter you can shine.

    Sparkle on friends.

    illies

    Rachel

  • Falling in Happy

    Falling in Happy

    Do you ever sit and think about how lucky you are? I do and I highly recommend it.

    I recently had this epiphany (with some outside help).

    Life is allowed to be easy.

    I would feel defensive when people would say things like:

    1. You’re so lucky
    2. Count your blessings
    3. If your life is easy, be grateful
    4. Things are easy for you

    Looking at those statements they are all positive. I am lucky, I do and should always count my happies, life is great and it is easy for me to do the things I want to do. This is all incredible. Yet, I would feel defensive. The automatic defense this sent me into has since dissipated all because of the realization that life is allowed to be easy.

    I felt bad before that my life is, well, what it is. Now, I’m wondering why everyone doesn’t go ahead, go out and GET HAPPY.

    My journey started about a year ago with the words, healthy, happy, free and safe. These were the words I wanted to bring into my life. I knew the only way to get healthy and bring feelings of happiness, freedom and safety into my life was from the inside, out. Started with 4 little words. A year later, I’m in a new city, starting another chapter of life where I am indeed, happy, healthy, safe and free.

    Now, I’ve got new goals I’m fostering and setting.

    I wish everyone would do this but I’m doing what I can do, I’m doing it.

    I’m settled in a new home, in a new city. I’ve been in Japan for just over two years and Numazu for 3 months. My new home is near beautiful beaches and mountains. My home is coming together. As you may know…my living space tends to be…childlike. I have changed in the past two years and my living space is now getting energized and upgraded to catch up to me, Rachel, in 2020. I’ve gotten rid of things that no longer fit, things I think i’ll get around to wearing, making, or fixing and the “stuff” that clutters my life. I look forward to going home to a place I previously (slightly) avoided.
    It is an exciting time in my life and I hope it is in yours too.

    Fall is here. I’m loving the weather.

    I’ve taken up snorkeling, bought a customized wetsuit and I am going to get my diving certificate! ADVENTURING!

    Welcoming the joy, new experiences and all the abundance life offers.

    Less is more.

    Go on, get happy.

    illies