Just be

Category: loveyourmom

Walkin’ on Sunshine ☀️

Found a note that I started on my computer during my flight home!

December 19th, 2021:

Watching the sunrise above the clouds with the stars still sparkling. When these two meet, magic happens. The sun is rising while the moon is setting, the stars are shining while the clouds are changing colors, welcoming the new day. Like a birthday party for a brand new day!

My first international flight in 3 years. The excitement, adventure and opportunities that this trip will bring are as great as the opportunity of a new day. Infinite.

My covid experience was not knowing if I would hug my parents again.

In 2 hours I hit ground in Seattle, Washington.

My trip started off in a new way. A great family, dear friends, brought me to the airport, parked and walked me in. They saw me off and boy did it feel like the sunrise meeting the moon set. Calm, peaceful and pure. To start my trip in such a way, I know that I have some great days ahead.

Familyships

How could they not be, after all?

… Back to present day:

Last year, 2021, I was on a night dive, under water to bring in the the new year. 2021 consisted of 50+ dives around Japan, which is a lot for a girl who had never been under ocean water before. This year, 2022, I was on my way back to Japan, over the clouds. When I was younger I always heard *How you bring in the new year is how you spend the year. While I don’t put all my eggs in that basket, I know this year will be exciting and it is starting off with my head above the clouds.

February:

March! My favorite month. February was one for the books this year and I know March will be the same.

I went to visit the place I use to be from…My first home away from home. Nishinomiya, Hyogo was a lot of firsts for me…I’d never left America and only visited a handful of states before getting my passport at 28 and moving here. I turned in my car keys, packed 3 suitcases and got a one way ticket to Japan for what I thought would be two years MAX. Here I am three and a half years later. My first: foreign country, train ride, chopstick use, sushi, raw fish, public bath, taxi ride and the gathering of my fragmented soul. It was also my first starting from the ground up building: familyships, friendships, a new language and career. It was my first time without: a car, an animal, gatorade, hot tamales, starbursts, pralines and cream ice cream…

Living a life I never dreamed of, MAGIC.

I am often smiling when I get on my bike because I am 31 years old, in a foreign country that I call home, RIDING my bike to the train station to go on a little adventure. COME ON now, does it get better than this?!

I learned a more about living the past 3.5 years than I could have in a lifetime- if I didn’t take this opportunity. I feel that I have navigated and become better from each experience. I have learned about a new culture. The things I thought I would never understand are now normal. I think that is how I knew it was time to move on to the next adventure.

This feeling is one I am familiar with…I’m not scared of where I’m going, I am lucky to have a life full of love to leave. Hard goodbyes are the best because where a difficult goodbye exists, love lives. Anywhere love lives, count me in.

Most days I feel like I am walking on sunshine, sliding down rainbows. It is like I have these HAPPY glasses that I wear around. I find happiness in everything. Some may think I don’t see the realness in life but really, I find happy in that too. The other day my hands were so cold I could have broken my fingers off. I laughed. Stubbing my toe, hilarious. The hard stuff too, I may not always find happiness in it because let’s be real…there isn’t happiness in hurting someone you care about, a broken heart, the loss of a friend or the disappointment of a letdown. I do always recognize that the set back, is the set up. The cards are stacked in my favor and regardless of what it is, I will grow and become better, braver, stronger and wiser.

Smile, it makes a difference. Laugh, it changes your life.

Spring is here. Cherry blossoms are beginning. I use to feel restlessness in Spring. Now I feel hope, wonder and magic because I am at home with myself. What a wonderful place to be.

I am 15 months hangover free and 30 pounds lighter. I was thinking this morning while getting ready for work, I have been living alone for 4 years, single for 5+. Sneaking up on 32 years old, I thought I would possibly be married by now and absolutely have children. Like I said…I am living a life that wasn’t even in my wildest dreams and it turns out, it’s perfect for me.

There is always time to begin again.

Love more, the world needs it.

All the love and all the power.

illies

Rachel

March 7, 2022
PNW raised, Japan saved
HAPPY JUNE!!

May 1, 2020 (I’m currently finishing up this blog and it is now June 9th…this blog is events from the past five months.)

Hey you! Stop, collaborate and listen…I’m getting older so if you don’t finish that line-just consider it a generation gap. ICE IS BACK WITH MY BRAND NEW INVENTION.

Happy, healthy, free, beautiful and safe. This has been the words I’ve repeated everyday for at least two months. Sometimes hundreds of times a day. When I began…I knew these words all hold a place deep in my bones and now I feel them.

Find what you need and bring them to your life.

A year ago my dad was here.
Right now Japan isn’t allowing flights inbound.

I’ve been away from home for my longest stent yet with no future plans of returning. I’m starting to clean up and pack for my next adventure.

My next adventure. Wow.

My trip to Thailand was cancelled-because of the virus. School has been cancelled for a month and will be postponed for another month. At home, school has been cancelled for the rest of the year.

The world is in a strange place. I hope you are staying healthy.

For my 30^th birthday I spent the day with a few friends. We ate lunch at my favorite burger shop and had cake. Relaxing way to enter my 30s.
Not too much has happened in the past month. I’ve spent days at a time at home alone. I’ve had limited social interactions which I guess I was already use to, having been in Japan for a year and a half.

It better prepared me for this pandemic. I have limited social interactions and many of the interactions I have daily require a mass amount of energy. On top of the energy it requires to do simple things, much of the message is lost in translation.

That is something I miss. I miss the easiness of relationships. I miss the communication that is understood through verbal and non-verbal communication.
My fears have evolved so much in the past two years. I use to be afraid of anything and everything. My friends, I’d have them WATCH me walk to my car at night. I’d have my mom wait up for me if I was going to come home late. I never slept with my windows open because that is terrifying. Pull up to a stoplight, make sure the doors are locked. Headphones in when walking, no way. I use to hear sounds at night and it would scare me so badly I would stay up ALL NIGHT because sleeping when you are that scared is out of the question.
I’m in a completely different place in life, literally and figuratively. My anxiety and depression are at bay and manageable. I do have days where I do breakdown but I consider that a normal part of life-not linked to my depression and anxiety. My fears have evolved because my anxiety is manageable and I no longer worry about the things that use to hurt me. I’m coming to terms with the fact that it was never other people/things/events that hurt me. It was me, hurting ME. Figuring that out felt like a pounds of pressure off my chest. I can breathe easier.

The only person I can control is myself. I cannot control others. What someone else does is no reflection on me or who I am. Geographically moving doesn’t fix depression/anxiety but it has helped me manage mine. Sometimes all you need is boundaries and the way you acquire them varies. My boundaries and freedom came from moving out of the country. My freedom and safety came from digging deep within. I still have a lot to unpack and to tell you the truth I’m scared to do it. I have memories and years I cannot remember. I know they are in me somewhere and there’s a reason I can’t remember. When I’m ready, I’ll start digging.

6/1/2020

I stopped writing a month ago because thinking about unpacking the past put me into a frenzy. It made me feel uncomfortable and uneasy. I’m not in the headspace to do this, yet. So for now-I’ll document the things I have been in the headspace to do!

February:

23rd: Osaka aquarium
24th: pole dancing show

March

7: Got out of the house and went to a singles event to meet new people.

8: Went to a friends house to meet her bunny and prairie dogs! Prairie dogs, as pets!
Started sewing at school because students were no longer coming. Listened to hours of 48 hours podcasts, made bags, pencil cases and blankets.
Went to an old students house to meet her family and have lunch.
MORE sewing
Hair became long enough for pig tails
Trip to Thailand cancelled

Last days at my most recent school and the last day at a school I’ve gone to once a month for the past year and a half. Cried on the way out of both.
April

Mom’s trip to Japan, cancelled

End of March/beginning of April…wrote and sent out about 50-100 happies to friends all over America. They have yet to receive them…
Chipped my front tooth. Again.

Made an address book.
Sakura season
New school

May:
Work from home days because of COVID19.

More sewing
Set some savings goal so I can buy a little Suzuki motorcycle during my next adventure.

Found out that my kid is actually a girl, after naming her, BOY (Otokonoko).
Mother’s Day-love you mom.

Beach days
2 full days sitting with my sadness and letting it out

More beach days

Began packing
Hikes with friends

Last week I began running.

Chipped my front tooth again-dental work
Some weird mystery infection.

Immigrations office

That brings us here, to June. I’m still waiting for a refund for my trip to Thailand. Hoping to squeeze it in at some point.

Hoping mom will be able to come visit sooner rather than later.

School started back up today. Half the students come in the AM and the other half in the PM. That way students are distanced and we can sanitize between groups. Students have 4 classes that are each a half hour. I’ll begin classes tomorrow. I CAN’T WAIT.

I’ve finalized my plans for moving. I’ve hired a moving company and began packing. HappySad.

I’m ready to be back in the classroom full time. I’m anxious, excited and full of hope and energy thinking forward.

As usual, leaving will be hard. It always is.

Getting close to people is hard. I didn’t use to think that. It has always been easy but I have never been the person leaving until now.

Sometimes while I’m riding my bike and I see something like…kids napping while riding on the front or back of a bicycle…I think, what a different life it is here. NO SKUNKS. People rarely get stung by bee’s. I love finding out these silly little things. JOY.

When I moved here everything was new and now its all normal. Bicycles riding everywhere, no pattern to the foot/bike traffic. No garbage cans in public places, the normality of drinking, being completely covered in summer not letting skin show, the cost of fruit and the amount of people on trains. Things that once blew my mind I can go through a day and not notice anymore.

I’m excited for my next journey. For all the newness and freshness. The excitement that comes with new experiences, new relationships and new challenges.
I’ll have a heck of a time leaving Nishinomiya. I appreciate the sadness and difficulty though, because where the pain exists, love exists.

This is the place where I started to become the person I want to be. This is the place that saved a girl who didn’t know she needed saving.

The world is in a sad place right now. Keep being light
Shout out to BLMkansai. We went this weekend to support the movement and it was incredible. I am happy to be apart of something so great. It was well organized and carried out smoothly. Way to go Kansai and the organziers.
Until next time.

illie

Rachel

34.746262 135.349312
June 9, 2020
An Open Letter to My Parents
March 28, 2020

Dear Mom and Dad,

Can you believe today is the day? 30 years ago, you brought me into the world. I love birthdays. I believe whole heartily that every single person on earth should be celebrated. That’s a pretty beautiful belief isn’t it?

30 years. THIRTY YEARS. I think it’s a big day for me but I know it’s a bigger day for you. This is the day your life yet again, changed. You had the responsibility of another child. Another being to share your love, attention and life with. Another child to teach patience, kindness, tenderness and truth too.

Here I am. Standing tall and in my own two feet with strong beliefs of kindness and infinite worth.

30 years ago was probably a pretty scary day, for you. Bringing into the world a fourth child and your first girl. Was it scary? Did you worry?…

-Maybe she will do ballet, how would that go over and who would practice with her?

-Maybe she won’t like playing outside…but who will stay inside with her?

-What happens when she accidentally kills a goldfish and lies about it, will she get a spanking or is that life lesson already enough to learn the importance of honesty??

-What happens when she gets her first crush and first broken heart?

-How will I raise her to feel comfortable talking to me?

-How can I help her to be the best that she can be?

I imagine you had thousands of wonderings leading up to this day.

Hell, you probably still do have wonderings that are closely related to predictions, fears or uncertainties.

If you ever found yourself wondering these things let me put your mind at ease with the answers…

-who will she marry? …It doesn’t matter. I’m a strong, confident, and independent individual and IF I meet the person I choose to spend the rest of my life with…you can be confident that they too are strong and confident individuals. You never have to worry about things like that. You raised me to be strong, independent, educated, personable, sincere and ever growing. Let that ease your mind and heart.

-Does she keep things from us? Ignorance is bliss. Isn’t that the truth? However, there isn’t much I keep from you.

-Does she know we did our best? Absolutely.

-Why isn’t she home with family? I’m doing what you’ve always wanted me to do. I’m being happy.

-Is she happy? Guilty.

-Does she know when we are unhappy? You see right through me. I don’t need to say a word and you see my heart. It is your superpower. Here’s the kicker, it’s also my superpower.

While this is a big day for me, it’s a bigger day for you. 30 years ago, you brought into the word a healthy baby girl.

Today you still have a healthy baby girl.

Here’s what I think you might not know…I see you. I always have and I always will.

Here are just a few of life’s lessons that you’ve helped me learn. You can try to guess who guided me through the ugliness to learn the harshness and beauty of the word…but chances are you will see what I’ve always known. You have made the best team. You have navigated a beautifully broken ship through parenting in the toughest of seas.

I imagine every day, you wake up trying to catch your breath, wondering if your ship is under water. Some days it I know it would be easier if the ship just went down. Gasping for breath, each morning- will it be water or air that fills your lungs?…Thank you for always choosing air when it would be easier to drown.

Life lessons:
- Strong people do hard things.
- Just say okay.
- Make the decision or it will be made for you.
- 3s never work.
- It doesn’t get easier.
- 75% of people won’t meet your fancy (to say it nicely).
- Drive safe. Be smart.
- Don’t settle.
- Never get into a car with someone who is drinking.
- Nothing good happens after dark.
- If it seems too good to be true then it probably is.
- One step at a time.
- Head up shoulders back.
- People prove themselves (guilty).
- When in doubt, mad, or anything but calm-don’t talk.
- Walk away.
- Don’t lock the keys in the car-but ALWAYS lock the car AND take everything out of the car because if you leave ANYTHING inside someone WILL break into your vehicle.
- Walk. Get outside and walk. It is good for the heart.
- When you need to have a serious talk with someone, just say, “let’s go on a ride” and get in the car and go.
These are just a few that come to mind off the top of my head.

Sit back, relax and breathe. You did good.

Some traits embedded in me came from your undefeated tag team parenting and some of these traits I’ve gathered in the past 30 years and I’m hoping to plant seeds of hope in you.
- I help people and I bring happiness to people. So do you.
- I love driving with the windows down and whistling.
- I am determined and challenge myself.
- I love flowers, squirrels, Nebraska, sports, music, animals, sunshine, rain, the ocean, rainbows, cars, fishing and people. I have a genuine love for life, not found in many people. Rare species that can only be described as a “Binger”.
- I believe that people do not have to be where they come from. Although it is a STRONG predictor…I dedicate my life to giving children (or anyone who needs them) the tools necessary to be resilient, strong, kind and find light in dark places.
- I’m a teacher of so much more than academics. I hold children to high expectations and guide them through life lessons much like parents do.
- You can add all things beautiful into an equation with the best of intentions and the answer might surprise you, it might still be everything you never wanted. It’s nobodies fault. Some things don’t end up the way you hoped, no matter how hard you work. It has nothing to do with you.
- You can’t change other people.
- I know people and lives are not comparable. Comparison is a root of evil that will take your happiness if you let it.
- Every single person you meet is doing the best they can with what they have.
- A person will do what they are going to do whether you are there or not. You cannot blame yourself.
- Don’t put out into the world something that you don’t want to get back.
- The meanest people need the most love. They are the ones with the deepest pain.
- For Pete’s sake just be nice.
- Life isn’t fair. Never was and never will be. Do your best anyways.
- Things won’t (always) be easy. STRONG people do hard things.
- Bad things happen to good people. How you react and what you do next is your choice.
Sometimes when we hang up the phone, I cry. I know that one day you won’t call me anymore and one day when I need advice, you won’t be there to give it to me. When I think about that, it nearly kills me. I have to work really hard to bring myself back to the present, to right here and right now before a clam moment turns into a panic attack because life without you is a painful thought and a dreadful, fearful, worry.
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I’m sure you vividly remember moments in these past 30 years where I have said hurtful things to you. You may not remember what I said, but I’m sure you remember the way it made you feel and I’m sorry for that.
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I want to take this moment to tell you, thank you. I want you to know that you are loved greatly and deeply and appreciated beyond words.
- Thank you for loving me and supporting me.
- Thank you for always doing more and being more, for me.
- Thank you for letting me make mistakes that you knew were in the making even thought it killed you to see me hurt.
- Thank you for teaching me to: ride a bike, drive a car&motorcycle, fish, change the oil, cook chicken, diagnose illness, break a fever, take care of living things and how to love without boundaries. From watching you I have learned: the value in work, education, maintaining things you care about and own whether it be relationships or vehicles, being responsible and taking care of yourself, paying off debt, helping people and doing the things you say you will do…Being brave when you’re scared, being calm in emergency situations, never giving up, and saying sorry when you need to. You have taught me great things just by being you.
- Thank you for correcting my papers and doing math homework with me.
- Thank you for never missing one of my games and playing catch with me.
- Thank you for letting me crush the cranberries and husk the corn.
- Thank you for allowing the people I love and have in my life, enter into our home and come to our BBQ’s and be treated like family.
- Thank you for showing me the value in relationships and family and always making ours work.
- Thank you for reading to me every night.
- Thank you for bringing me into the world, laughing with me, crying with me and helping me become the person I am today.
You once said, “the only thing a parent wants for a child is to see them happy”. That is all I want for you. I want to see you happy. When does it become a wash, when do we just shake hands and come to an agreement to JUST BE HAPPY? I deserve to be happy. No more or no less than the next person. As do you. Every single person on earth deserves to be happy, healthy, free and safe. The only way to do that is from the inside out.

I’m doing it. Are you?

I hope that today you can look back, reflect and let out a sigh of relief. I hope that today as people celebrate me and I celebrate you, that you celebrate all that you have accomplished with this human life that started 30 years ago.

You brought to life a girl who makes the world a better place. A girl who feels the emotions of life and is ever changing and growing into a better person.

You succeeded.

Now, my wish, do what you’ve always dreamed of, whatever it is.

This is your time and your life, I’m living mine too.

I love you. I admire you and I am proud to have come from 100% Nebraska grown, smart, loving, supportive parents.

Be still mama and dad.

Look at the flowers starting to pop. Remember what leads you to tears, will bring you to grace. Your pain is never wasted.

Smile into the sunshine.

Every time you feel the sunshine, let it warm your heart and know that you are warming mine.

When you see the moon, think of me and know that I am thinking of you too.

With love,

Your baby girl,

Rachel Ann.
March 26, 2020
Buzzed and Happy

It has been quite some time since my last post!
Summer break has come to an end. In Japan, teachers have 5 days off for summer break. I was able to make it home and refill my heart tank…like gas tank. Looking back through my calendar where I try to take quick notes of what I do each day…I’m smiling as I go through my past two months. Recap:

June: Dentist, dentist dentist.

June 18th: My baby nephew, Jax, made his debut into the world. Awaiting the day we finally meet.

June 22nd: Onsen with Sachiko and Moko, before Moko HEADED OFF TO COLLEGE IN CALIFORNIA!!!! They dressed me in Yukata and we walked the streets. It was a beautiful experience.

June 30th, I went to Awaji island with a coworker. We stayed with her family, boy was it a treat. the food was great, the company was even better and the time I spent there was refreshing. It was my first time FISHING! It was EXCELLENT! I caught more fish within a few hours than I have caught in my entire life!! You don’t have to have a finishing license here, so I’ll be going more often.

While we were fishing, we saw a beautiful string ray gliding through the water. One of my biggest joys in life is to see creatures in their natural habitat.

I made two quilts, to celebrate the birthday of some of my most valued friends here.

I just started working on my next one.

July: Fishing, Himeji, haircut, hospital, blood clot.

I got a blood clot in my hand from having to be put under for some dental work. My mom has issues with blood clots and I was worried it was more of an issue than it was. Before telling me it was a blood clot, I had X-rays, ultra sound and an MRI all for about 100$. WOWZA.

July 7th Tanabata-Star Festival. Had a FUN celebration with Spokane and Japan high school students.

July 10: AM: On my way to school my friend was not outside. Most people would not refer to this man as a friend. You see every morning on my way to work I see an ojichan (grandpa) standing outside by the biggest, most beautiful morning glories I have ever seen. He is what I imagine is like your morning cup of coffee. You look forward to it and it makes a difference in the start of your day. I look forward to seeing him. This morning he was tucked back a little further than usual and my heart began to pound. I thought he wasnt there. We always smile and wave. Sometimes I say good morning in English and he returns it in Japanese and sometimes we switch. He brings me joy. He is special to me.

Most would see a stranger, where I see a friend.

I like that about me.

PM: Went up Miya MT. [I think it was called] with my friend Yota. We saw flowers, frogs, TADPOLES, bugs, cats and a snake. We also spent some time earlier this month looking for fireflies. Never did see one.

July 14th: Festival with a coworker, in Kyoto. This festival was called Gion Matsuri. This is said to date back to the 9th century and was organized to drive out the plague. The floats parade around the city!

July 15th: Fishing, ocean front BBQ, water balloon fight and kite flying. One of the best days of my life. I saw an octopus IN THE SEA!

July 16th I was talking on the phone with my mom. I was telling her that I wanted to shave my head. We debated back and forth about it. She asked why I wanted to shave my head (which many people have asked). My response was that I wanted to learn to love myself as I am. Most people don’t understand why I did it and that’s okay, it’s my head not yours 🙂 Anyways, my mom, said, you can love yourself with hair. She’s right. But this was something I needed to do.

I sent my mom a picture the next day, of my shaved head. She said, “I knew after we talked that you were going to do it, I’d just told my friends at work”. HAH. She knows me well 🙂

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I had plans with friends the day after I shaved my head. I for some reason thought people would not want to introduce me to their families, once I shaved my head. I asked my friend if she wanted me to wait until after I met her family, to shave my head…

She asked if I wanted her to shave my head for me 🙂

July 17th, I SHAVED MY HEAD!!!!

The deed-I went in and asked a barber to buzz me up. He was weary of doing so but eventually did. I laughed the entire time and could not stop smiling.

I thought after it was done, I was going to feel different.

I thought it was going to be some huge life changing release…but I didn’t feel different. This made me realize that I do love myself…maybe shaving my head was more to see who in my life, loves the person I am inside.

When I facetimed with my nephew he said, “you look like a boy”. Gotta love the honesty of a child.

On my way home I made my daily stop at 7-11. As I parked my bike, I saw two students, whom I know well. One student smiled as big as I did (because it always makes us happy to see each other) and embraced me. Living in a place that lacks physical contact or any display of love, the fact that we hug shows the greatness of the relationship we have built. The other student stood her distance and just watched us talk. I could see the embarrassment across her face, I could feel it. A student that I knew, that I happily talked to each time we saw each other, couldn’t look at me…but I was still me…I’d be lying if I said that didn’t hurt my heart.

However…

I couldn’t believe at the age of 15, a student saw me, for me. It was inspiring and uplifting and heart changing. That is the kind of person I want to be. A person who sees every single person for who they are. I wrote this girl a letter and delivered it to her the next day in class. I expressed my gratitude and how I appreciated her, for seeing me, for me. I told her that the people need more of her, that she has the best heart of anyone I’ve met. I told her I hope to be a light for the world, like her. [Not only did she not waver when she saw me, even when her friend felt embarrassed of me, it made no difference. There is bravery and pureness in that.] She wrote back the next day, “I’m glad to have a letter from you. I understand your letter. You are you, hair or no hair. You are my very good teacher. I am happy to meet you. You are special, I love you. You are a gift to the world.”

This girl. My heart. It’s impossible for me to put into words the magic that she made so apparent, that is out there in children around the world.

In Japan the reactions for shaving my head have been better than I thought. People are very accepting. In the USA however…I felt much different. I thought it was going to be the other way around.

July 22, I went to a sunflower garden with my friend Ayano!!

First of all, I adore this girl.

2nd, OH MY GOODNESS. I’ve never seen something so beautiful. Afterwards we had dinner with her mom and dad. This family is one that I love dearly. I was yet again, nervous for these people to see me with no hair. Not only did they accept me, they treated me no differently.

Shaving my head was to learn about myself, to love my self fully and completely…but I’m learning more about other people and the amount of love that is out there.

July 25, I went to one of the most famous festivals in Osaka. Tenji Matsuri. The fireworks were amazing. They blow our fireworks out of the water.

7/27 DADS BIRTHDAY!

I went to Himeji with a coworker and her family. I adore her and I feel so honored when I get to go do new things, with families. We went to a fish factory and made food, stopped at a cat and dog picture museum and a dinosaur museum! By the end of the day the three children that were with us were showing their English skills. I love when anybody gets comfortable enough to start speaking a second language with me.

July 29th a new ALT arrived who lives above me. What a treat it is to have a friend right above me. We have had great adventures already and I’m excited to see what the next year holds! I hope to get a lot of traveling in-majority of it in Japan.

August: Suma beach, Spokane, BBQ time with my people and back to work. I spent two weeks at home in August. My mama got a hip replacement and is now doing much better!

The day after I left, my brother/his family from Texas made it up to visit. My brothers are all home right now…I don’t think the who family has ever been together without me there. I hate missing out on Aunty time.

August 14th: I got a tattoo during the day and in the evening was my Fill the happy bank BBQ get together. This is a tattoo I’ve known I wanted for a while. I have been carrying around 2 cards with me for years. One from my mom and one from my dad. In my school lunches and cards since I can remember my mom always wrote notes and drew pictures for me on my napkins. It was my favorite part of lunch. When I grew up, it was transferred to cards. The most frequent thing my mom tells me is, “You are my sunshine. I love you”. I got this in her handwriting, followed by mom and dad in their own handwriting. This is the stem of a sunflower. The sunflower tops it. We have always had sunflowers in our yard. They remind me of joy, happiness, hope and my parents.

Afterwards I went to a BBQ at my friend Lauralee’s. She hosted a BBQ before I moved to Japan. I got to see many people that I’ve been missing and enjoy the company of so many people that I love. Thank you for that.

August 15th: I got another tattoo. I have stick figures on my back. A girl and a boy. It was the first tattoo I got at the age of 18. I LOVE this tattoo. A few years later I knew I wanted a tattoo that said, “family is forever, Binger”. I didn’t want to have anything to do with the stick figures but I felt pressured and ended up getting it tattooed around my stick figures. You see, to me, kids are the simplest form of love. Pure, honest, happy, love. The real stuff. This is what my stick figures are to me. The writing around it was nice but it kind of changed the stick figures into something to do with family and that was not what it is to me.

I went in to see if I could get the script fixed up. I thought, I have this for life I might as well get it fixed up. The writing was difficult to read…and unfixable…

So, I asked the tattoo artist if he could cover it. I told him that I always wanted a swing set, rainbow, grass, flowers in the background of my stick figures. He told me what he had in mind and we went for it.

August 26^th, I said goodbye to my family and headed back to Japan.

9/2 Back to school as of today!

I am still exhausted. I’ve been back almost a week and I cannot seem to get my schedule back. I had no problem adjusting when I went to Spokane. I slept most the way. On the way back I slept all the way. I thought that would save me from jetlag…but turns out there is no saving from jetlag.

On my flight home I spend a few short minutes awake. In that time I looked out the window and saw the most beautiful sea of white. The way the clouds were moving it reminded me of the ocean which in turn means it reminded me of love. The man behind me said to his wife, “You can’t see anything, it’s just white”. But I was just thinking…”I can see everything”.

Where a man saw nothing, I could see everything.

Perspective-I’ll keep mine.

A few things I want to share that I’ve realized the past few weeks. I’m reading the book How to Love-Thich Nhat Hanh. There was a page about being you. Going to give you my cliff notes from it. Be beautiful and be yourself. Accepting your body gives you the power to see your body as your HOME. You must accept yourself as you are. This is an important practice. As you practice this, building a home within yourself, your mind and body, you become more and more beautiful. This is part of the reason I shaved my head.

The other part is so that others can see me.

I’ve been able to see more clearly the past year since I moved to Japan. I’ve been setting boundaries and making good choices for myself. I have the clarity to see situations and people as they are and I want others to see me as I am.

Last year when the school year started in Spokane, I remember crying. Last year at this time it made me more sad than happy when talking to my people at home. Sitting at the mall people watching, was when I felt the loneliest.

Now, I call home when I have time. It’s not as frequently. It makes me happy to talk with my friends and family. I can sit at the mall and enjoy people watching. These are wins for me.

This is proof of the growth that is occurring.

Japan was a mandatory move for me. If I hadn’t had this opportunity, I don’t think I would have ever become the person I want to me [which of course I’ll work on forever, but this is a huge part of my story].

Cheers to year two.

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illie

September 3, 2019
Sad should never be wrapped
Had I known how to save a life.

I use to sing that song at the top of my lungs. I thought-wow this song is real. I’m sitting here now recalling the lyrics…I would have stayed up with you all night had I known how to save a life…but does that save a life? How many nights have you stayed awake to watch a person you love, sleep… Or been a partner in crime because being the right-hand man was better than feeling like not being anything at all. (I say “you” because it’s less alienating for me.) I’ve been trying to be a life jacket for people sinking, since I can remember.

Do these people owe me anything? Absolutely NOT. Am I some super great person who saves lives? Nope. I am however, a human being who wants every person I encounter to know how abundantly loved they are.

That’s the other difficult part of life. You hear in movies and on TV, you read it in books in motivational quotes…we cannot love someone else until we love ourselves. We cannot see the ever-flowing love that others have for us, until you care about ourselves. (I say “we” because it’s less alienating for you). I always say, [to people, friends, family, students] “You are loved”. I don’t often say, “I am loved”. I’m going to start saying that more.

Before I moved to Japan my friend had a going away party for me, at her home. It felt like the first time in my life that people came together for me. Purely, for me. People came to love me. I still have a hard time with that. I think of it more as just people coming together, to share happiness. But that night as I looked around at the people who gathered, I felt and saw love.

How do you help people who seem incapable of being happy? Are some people incapable of being happy?

Anchors keep you in one place by weighing you down.

When I get too involved in helping others, the anchor gets too heavy and we both start to sink. I’m not a life jacket. I’m a human.

I’ve been pulled down, deep and one thing I’m not yet confident at is swimming back up alone.

Many people like the anchor symbol in relation to family/life. I think I prefer a tree. Strongly rooted, morals and values run deep. But the outside and the surface level “stuff” changes with each day.

People love trees. I love trees. I don’t love just one season of their beauty. I love their core. I think most people can agree on that.

Trees are not expected to stay in bloom or keep their leaves, year-round. They lose their leaves and they are still perfectly strong and beautiful. Then, green begins to return and they are still unique and perfect.

I taught a lesson about infinite worth to my students. I think I have written about this before, it’s a good enough experience to be shared again.

My students were having a hard time respecting one another and just getting along. They were unable to make the right choices if I was not there to see it.

I lined up with 5 adults from various life stages that worked at my school. Familiar faces to the children but they knew me best. 2 men and 3 women. Ages, 21-65. We each told my class about ourselves.

Our accomplishments and our downfalls. What we considered to be the most important factors in life, that made us who we were, at the time.

Then, I asked the students to line us up. Make a list beginning with who had the most worth. The person they thought was most important, to the least important.

I had one student (that girl..wow) that said, this is not possible, it cannot be done.

I forced her to do it.
1. Mr _________
2. Mr _________
3. Mrs________
4. ________
5. Miss Binger
Thinking back, I cannot remember if I was 4^th or 5^th. As the results came in and we lined up in the positions decided by 9 year old’s, I nearly dropped to my knees.

I had spent 9 months with these children. These students I had been sharing my life with, my daily love and teachings, thought I was worth less than others.

It didn’t matter where I was on the list. It was that so many kids had an easy time making this list. Students knew me best another woman BEST, and they thought the least of us, they thought we were less important than others.

Through my tears I began to explain, every single person you meet in life has infinite worth. Every single person. That means that a college graduate is no better than a person who has/doesn’t have a GED. A person with children isn’t better than a person without. No body is better than another person.

Like a tree.

Trees are all different. Some I like more. Regardless, each tree has an unmeasurable amount of worth. A flower tree that is no longer blooming, a pine tree, a tree so small you could crush it on accident. There is an unimaginable amount of potential in every tree.

There is an unimaginable amount of potential in every single person.

Every single person has immeasurable worth.Infinite worth.

This isn’t a moral I grew up with. It is one I am still learning. Once I heard the quote “every single person you ever meet has infinite worth” [Kent Hoffman] there was a shift in my heart.

I would never judge a flower for any reason-I JUST LOVE FLOWERS.

Why would I judge a person?

I have never come to know a person that I didn’t like. The key words are come to know. Hearing the story of a person and their past is not a reason to judge them, it’s a gift of seeing how a person became who they are.

5/27/19

This morning I sat outside of my school on the stairs and cried. I sat here at my computer beforehand and I could feel it coming. There was no point in trying to delay the tears or fight them. It’s crazy. The people around me are busy and going on about there day I’m sitting here feeling half heart broken. [This too shall pass.] The last thing I want is someone to ask if I’m okay or what is wrong…but at the same time this is a new situation for me. Generally, I am a cry in private kind of person. Maybe even cry in the shower so I can’t differentiate between the water and tears. I am learning how to deal with feeling invisible. That is not something I would ever promote because my goal in life is to let all people know, “I see you”. However, it is important for me to realize that I will not always be seen and that is when I must rely on myself to be my greatest support. After all, I’m the only support that will always 100% of the time, be there. At this exact moment, I’m having a difficult time doing that.

Last year, if I made it through the week without crying, it was a WIN. Now, here I am crying for that year and those children. Goodness, we had a tough year but boy, did we love fiercely and make the perfect family.

I’ve been so happy to be here in Japan and learning how to be a better teacher and person that I haven’t felt what I’m feeling now. I’ve been thinking about how 2 years in Japan isn’t long enough and how fast time goes.

But maybe 2 years here is perfect. One year down and I’m crying for the children I was lucky enough to teach. This time of year is when my third grade family would really come together. I could see and feel the growth of those little humans and I would be so proud of how far we came, together. Academic growth but most importantly the growth of our hearts. Nothing made me happier than seeing a child help a friend up, give them knuckles for trying, or rebound the ball for a friend and let them try again. Here, I switch schools every six months. I have made some great relationships and come to know many students and I am grateful each opportunity here.

To my past students: I miss you. You are a giant part of who I am and who I want to be. Thank you, for being you.

5/31/19 summer is sneaking up.

Students in Japan are out of school from July 20 until the End of August. Teachers have a FOUR DAY BREAK. FOUR DAYS. While students are on summer break I will have “office days”. These are days where I am in an office…by myself or potentially with another ALT.

I am hoping to do two things this summer. See my new nephew in Texas and see my mom before/after her hip surgery. Those are two things that I NEED to do.

Today is the last day of May. It is uncomfortable how fast time goes. June is a busy month. There are no days off school during June.

I started eating healthy. I’d been doing that for about a week. I was eating non-processed food. [Mostly fish and veggies.] One night I decided not took cook and I had an adult beverage. The next day, I was dying. I think my body HATES pizza and adult beverages. I’ve never taken such time away from ANY food. I’ve always ate what I wanted to eat, when I want. When I woke up the next morning, my throat hurt, my lips were oddly, red and my body felt weak.

Those things must be like poison to my body. I never knew though, because that is the way I have always eaten. Waking up with a headache, having a stomachache, feeling allergy like symptoms became my normal. Now, I must decide if food/adult beverages are worth an entire day of feeling physically, sick.

I always joke that I figured out how to beat lactose intolerance. You just have to give your body so much of it that it becomes immune to lactose. I was eating a quart of ice cream a day. Eventually my stomach no longer hurt. When you can’t beat um, join um! Just do enough of it to where your body gets use to it.
Just kidding. I did do that, but any health professional would say there is something the matter with me.

I’m trying to stop taking Tylenol. I try to be preemptive with headaches and bite them before they consume me. 95% of days, I have a headache so I’ve adapted to taking Tylenol 100% of the days.

6/3/19 Happy June.

6/18/19 Oh my gosh. June is half way over.

Where is time going? The past few weeks have been full of anxiety, tears and sleep-while trying to keep all the happies in clear sight.

Last Friday, I went home and went to bed around 4pm. Not a nap, bed. I woke up the next morning around 8AM. I decided to get myself out of bed, even though staying in bed was clearly the easier choice.

I rode by bicycle an hour to get to an Onsen. I was excited to relax and have some time to myself at a hotspring that was new to me. I walked in, proud of myself for biking there, locating it and doing it all by myself.

Walked in and said “Onsen!” and the staff handed me the rules of the Onsen, in English. Wahoo.

Half way through [skimming] I see no body paint…I was relieved…but then I read that statement closer. No body paint or tattoos allowed. I pointed to my “illie” tattoo and said, okay? The employee said no, sorry.

I walked out, crying. I stood there crying for about 5 minutes-until the rain began to POUR. Not some light, no umbrella needed kind of rain. A kind of rain so hard that even cars were pulling over. My tears turned to a brief madness and before I knew it I was reminding myself to “dance in the rain”.

My Brief madness was about being judged. Japan is very strict. Rules apply to every single person and nothing is ever situational. Sometime life requires you to hear a person’s story or situation in order to accommodate or help them to the best of your ability. Sometimes you must listen.

I know that the rules are in place for a reason.

I understand and respect that.

It was a reminder to me that I appreciate compassion and empathy and a place where people are willing to look at the person in front of them.

I had some dental work done about a week ago. It wasn’t as terrifying as I thought it would be, but it was still pretty stinking scary. I got the laughing gas for the first time in my life. I didn’t feel any more relaxed?

I got some fillings removed and covered back up…until my appointment next week when I will get my princess crowns. The only crowns I’ll ever wear.

6/25/19

It’s the end of June. WHAT.

Father’s day was last Sunday. Another day of the year that I adore. I try to celebrate my dad far more often than once a year-but I sent him some extra love VIA snail mail for father’s day. My dad has the hardest job of any person I have ever met. My parents’ job is never ending. There are no hours of rest or days without worries.

Do you know all your parents want? Their greatest wish…

It is to see their children happy.

I have a whole lot of love for you dad. I have to reserve it for myself right now because my happy tank light is flashing, empty. For the record, I am happy. You and mom are the greatest team and I wouldn’t be who I am or where I am, without you.

I’ve been missing home. I wanted to hug my mom and I have a friend who personally delivered her a hug within 24 hours of me asking. Terry, you have always been my Angel on Earth. I love you and appreciate all that you are. Thank you.

A new Binger entered the ring on June 18^th weighing in at a whole 8 pounds 4 ounces. Baby Jax is here. My newest/second nephew. This is my first summer not spending a month in Texas or with my first born nephew. Usually we spend a month dinking around, playing at the park and laughing together (until mom and dad get home, then he pretends he doesn’t know me).

Last weekend I went to an Onsen with Sachiko and her family. Her daughter is heading to college in the states next week! We visited our last Onsen together…and they dressed me in Yukata!! It was a big happy for me. For all of us.

We got burgers at one of our favorite places after. They restocked their stickers. I love their stickers…so I bought 30 of them…? As my dad would day “you went a little cooky didn’t you?” I sure did…and now I wish I would have bought more.

I attended the Spokane/Nishinomiya sister city welcome party for students that are here from Spokane. I met Yuko there. We laughed, a ton.

Afterwards we listened to live music and enjoyed an evening together. This, was a good day. Sunday, I watched students play volleyball. I love when I get the chance to see students play sports. I don’t remember a teacher ever coming to watch me play sports…but my dad was always there.

Speaking of Angel’s on Earth…I lived next door to one most of my life. That woman, Liz, is so much more than a neighbor to me. My neighbor moved. Saying that sounds pitiful when I think of the situation. Liz wasn’t just my neighbor. She is a friend, grandmother, an open ear/shoulder, a support, a smile…and that’s just a few words to describe what she is to me. When I visit home I always make a visit to her. Now that she’s in a different state I’m going to have to find a little more time to squeeze in our porch visit…but I hope that I can. Love you Liz.

I went back to finish my dental work yesterday.

Guess who cracked the crowns during the fitting…

This girl….

I was just saying how I was starting to enjoy the dentist…I need to learn to just keep my mouth shut. Hah. Every man in my family has been trying to teach me that lesson for years.

I must have cried for 3 hours yesterday. I felt bad that I cracked the crowns. I felt bad because my appointment was so long and I didn’t want to be in pain but I was. I was crying for so many reasons and the only way I got the tears to stop…was to walk. My friend Sachiko has spent HOURS with me at the dentist. Translating. She should be paid from both ends. Unfortunately, I couldn’t finish any of the work that needed to be done. I will go back and be put under to resume what was started. L

My eyelids were swollen this morning and my head is still pounding. Nothing like a cry hangover to begin the day.

Now that it is the end of June…I can tell you that nearly the entire month of June has kicked my butt. Looking back, it actually started in May.

6/26

Cried on the phone with my best friend yesterday.

Got a package from my mama including hot tamales from my dad. Got a card from my sweet Kristy.

I get sad that I can’t be at home to hug and cheer my parents up (be their sunshine). But my friend Sachiko said that the sun shines across the ocean and can still be felt even though I’m here. I loved that. But yesterday, I experienced that. My people in Spokane have been a big source of sunshine for me the past few days. Thank you for that. You have helped me and I feel your love. You have been a big part of getting out of bed in the morning.

Tomorrow I get to celebrate YUCHAN’s BIRTHDAY!!!! In Japan, birthdays aren’t a big deal. I guess at home they really aren’t a huge deal either…

But in Japan birthdays are almost nonexistent. I feel happysad to be celebrating people and making a big deal about their birthdays. Happy because I am glad I get to love/appreciate/celebrate them on their special day, but sad that I might be the first person to ever make a big deal about the day they were BORN.

I think it is kind of exciting for my friends here. Excitement might not be the right word. But I think it is a new love that some are feeling for the first time.

Birthdays of loved ones…the greatest holiday of the year.

Some happies:

Firefly hunting (looking)

Seeing students playing in the river, shoes off, laughing

Package from home

Letters from friends

7/3/19

Happy July. At the end of this month I will have been in Japan for an entire year. I’m still trying to figure out where my heart and mind are at. Life doesn’t usually kick my butt like it is right now.

I went to Awaji Island for the weekend and had an incredible time. I got to spend time with children which can heal anybody’s hurts.

I’m trying to say yes to as many opportunities as I can. I will go to a few upcoming festivals and spend time with friends.

The easy thing to do is go home and go to bed. Which I’ll admit…some days I do. But, I’m trying not to.

Got put out for my dental work a few days ago. I remember it still hurting a little. I have one more appointment left and the work in that area of my mouth is finished. I’m pretty friendly with the staff at my dentist now. They have seen me laugh, cry, sleep…they know me well.

I have yet to wrap this blog up because there is no good way to wrap up sad.

July I am looking forward to the star festival, a trip to Kyoto, my dad’s birthday, an adventure with new friends and hopefully some time to reflect, grow, let go of anger, and find myself again.

Also, I have shaved half of my head…. 😮

Glad to be living where the sun always rises.

illie.

Come on Rachel. Let’s do this.
July 3, 2019
Because I have changed

4/10/2019

Entrance ceremony was today. If you have never heard of or seen an entrance ceremony, you need to google it. The gym is decorated and parents, students and staff welcome new students (1^st graders). The band is playing, everybody claps for an extended period of time while the new class members walk in. There are flowers, music, clapping, and speeches to welcome the new students. I’ve never seen anything like it. The beginning and end of things are celebrated here-many ceremonies.

I’ve been going to the river each day after work to admire the cherry blossoms. I can’t get enough of the beauty and happiness of a single cherry blossom. I always say that babies bring people together. I find magic in a variety of things but especially in babies.

Children have the power to bring families together and put sparkle back in people that have lost it. There is joy, love and happiness that stems from the presence of children.

In Japan I see this exact magic in cherry blossoms.

There are people sitting below cherry blossoms in every direction. I hear laughter, camera shutters, cans opening and the running river. I see couples, families, friends and children all enjoying the company of one another. People are eating, drinking, playing games and people are genuinely, happy. I even see people like me, enjoying the beauty by themselves.

I feel magic. Sakura season brings people together.

There are these poles that I imagine are to keep cars of walking paths. They are about three feet tall. I have nearly walked into them while I’m looking up at the flower trees. (My dad has experience with these…I learned from his mistake.)

I’m headed to Wakayama this weekend. I’m excited to go back.

I went to Yuasa, Wakayama all of Saturday, stayed the night and headed home early on Sunday. Check out was at 10:00 AM and I started to feel an intense sick feeling around 9. I walked the beach in hopes that fresh air, crystals and shells would help whatever this feeling was, pass. I also wasn’t going to miss out on one last beach comb, even if I did feel miserable.

The train I planned on taking home was cancelled. HAH. Of course it was. My two hour journey…took six hours. At one point I was suppose to switch trains. I missed that opportunity and took an hour detour. Oops.

4/23/19

Next week is a holiday in Japan. Golden week. I heard before moving here how big of a deal golden week is. However, this year it is extra special. For the first time in 50 some years there will be 10 days off in a row! You know what that means.

Father will be here.

5/10/19

Hard to believe that Golden Week has already come and gone. I’ve been back at work for an entire week.

5/13/19

Quick flashback of April.

Cherry blossoms.

School party.

Nishinomiya Storks basketball game.

Old Spaghetti factory

chipped tooth

Chichi arrived

Treasure stores

Tigers game

May:

Osaka Aquarium

Nishinomiya Marina Celebration-new Emporer

Beach days at Suma

Shell collecting and crab hunting

Dentist x2

Little China Town

Nishinomiya beach-Kite flying and crab hunting

This day-my dad used his famous reverse psychology. “You can’t ride your bike through the sand.”

Tell me I can’t and I’ll show you I can.

Which I did…until the sand got too deep and I had this terrible, horrible, slow motion fall, into the sand. I was laughing too hard to get up and my bike was on top of me. My dad was watching from afar. After being on the ground laughing for a few minutes, a woman came and pulled my bike off of me. I was laughing from embarrassment and because falling off your bike is always funny, as long as you are okay. Then a group of children came and asked me if I was okay.

Children’s day

Dad left

I go to a Special Education school once a month. The teachers are some of the best I have ever seen. The way they care for the students and know each one is inspiring.

All sorts of new things at Mikura, in Kobe. I went to this amazing restaurant with my friend, Ayano. [When my bag didn’t make it to Japan, Ayano was the one who helped me at the airport-that is when our friendship began.] We went to her parents restaurant where I tried food I never thought I’d EVER eat.

I started by trying those tiny little [whole] squids and the fish with the skin. There was clam, squid, octopus, tuna and many more finely prepared fish. It was displayed beautifully and prepared by Ayano’s family. Her parents are the owners of this fabulous place. The tempura was the best I have ever had. Maybe, the best food I have ever had.

When I experience new things like this-I feel like a child. I am surprised and in awe. My facial expressions and the sounds I make, are a show for people to watch. Which I don’t mind…I love when I see a children experiencing something for the first time. I’d enjoy watching me too, where the same joy, surprise and happiness that is displayed by a five year old can be observed in a 29 year old who is just seeing a new world, for the first time.

Sei Tai-massage, muscle stretching, chiropractic work. AMAZING.

Out and about. Met new friends and a furry one 🙂

And this brings us to present day. Mother’s Day in the USA.

I know many wonderful mothers. Grandmothers who are mothers for the second time ‘round. People who care for children that may not call them, mom. I celebrate many people today, but most of all, my own Mama.

Mom’s are so busy with life and children that it seems like it would be easy to forget:

you have a little human who wants to be just like you.

I remember having the thought when I was younger-how can we all call an amazing, caring, loving, woman by the same name? How can every single mother, be called mom?? How can I call my mom by the same name everybody else uses for their mom?!

I thought that each mom should have a name that is special to her, because each mom is special.

But it isn’t the name that is special. It is the woman behind the name.

Some people don’t associate the word mom with love, sunshine, happiness, flowers, support, animals, and joy-like I do. When I say I want to be a mother-I don’t mean I simply want a child.

I want to be that deep rooted starshine for a child. I want to be my mom, for my own. My mom brings sunshine to not only my life, but all who know her. I have the pleasure of saying, “I’m just like my mom, we love everything and anything makes us happy”. I can only hope that one day I have a child who loves me as much as I love my mama. My mom would read to me until I fell asleep. She would get me my favorite popsicles when I was sick. When I need to know how to cook chicken [or anything] I still call her. When I don’t know what to eat for dinner, I call my mom and she decides.

We laugh. My mom refills my heart. I miss you mama and I wait for your time in Japan.

Happy Mother’s Day, Mama.

I’m missing my favorite time of year in Spokane. I love when the grass is greener than ever and all that was sleeping during the cold is coming back to life. I’m already dripping sweat here.

I have a daily battle with my hair. I like to have it up high so it’s off my neck-but when it is up high I can’t wear my ball cap. [Therefore, they made visors.] However, I have not yet brought myself to get one. I guess I’ll do that this week. The thought of shaving my head has also crossed my mind a dozen times, but I’m too scared to just do it.

I’ve began to experience a different kind of joy, love and life that is new to me.

The more I love life and myself, the more life loves me back.

My thoughts shape my days. I’ve always been a positive person, maybe more so on the outside. Now I radiate happy because I’m positive on the inside. I guess my way of thinking has changed which is changing me.

This reminds me. My dad’s first visit here, we were talking with somebody about my first month here. I was explaining how people never smiled at me or said hello. They told me, “just wait, in a few months everybody will be saying hello and talking to you”. I thought…Hmmh, maybe they just have to see me around the neighborhood enough and be comfortable with me before the conversations begin.

9 months later, I don’t go out the door without seeing a student or saying hello to somebody. I told my dad this and he saw it when he was here. We thought of what the man had said about everybody saying hello in a few months.

My dad said something along the lines of,

“I don’t think it’s because the people here changed, I think it’s because you changed”

Holy goodness. How powerful is that?

Because I’ve changed.

Yesterday, I went to my favorite Ramen Shop. Really just my favorite place in Japan. There was one seat open, in between two strangers. 10 months ago, I would have left. Yesterday, I squeezed right up in there without hesitating.

As I sat there, I thought…this is where it all began.

My first day in Japan. Rai Rai Tei is where it all started.

My change.

My love for Shirohige and Onepiece.

My appreciation for unspoken communications.

My love for Japan and myself.

Yesterday when I sat down, the employee pointed to what I always get and I said, “yes”. This is the majority of our communication. Yet, I love these people, the restaurant and I am comfortable here. We have never communicated in one another’s language, but we communicate. I look forward to seeing the staff and I feel welcome. I enjoy everything about this place and I go at least once a week. This is a special place for me. This new happiness, it began, there.

There are so many point cards used in Japan. I am a proud card holder for two craft stores and a mall.

The super nintendo is different for foreigners. The one they use here looks different.

Mother’s Day is not as big of a deal as it is in the USA.

Students are having a trial week. They are all out at different jobs, seeing what it is like for a week, in a work place!!

I am going to be helping some elementary students learn English a few times a month.

For the amount of time I have spent studying Japanese, you would expect me to be fluent. I’m uh…beginner level. Japanese is DIFFICULT.

I use a calendar now.

I’ve stayed up a few times until the sun comes up-who knew I was such a youngster still. I didn’t know I had that in me.

I stopped using my heat about a month ago. I started leaving my windows open…Now I think it is going to stay cooler if I keep everything shut!

Students here have 220 days of school, compared to our 180.

Students have club activity on weekends, which means teachers do too. One day off a week (maybe) for most teachers.

When I get home, I take my shoes off without thinking about it.

Chopsticks are easier to use for some foods-like noodles.

Most students are seeing green eyes for the first time, when they see mine. My skin is finally starting to clear!! YAY!

I’m in need of some new shorts now that summer is arriving. Even in the USA I hate shopping for shorts/janes. Finding a good fit is rare. Here, I have not had the energy to look, yet. However, the rising temperatures will force me to, soon.

illie

May 13, 2019