Just be

Tag: birds

Chichi

One’s destination is never a place, but always a new way of seeing things

-Henry Miller

I’ve been in Japan one month. One month (a little longer now). It seems like I’ve been here far less time than that…and far longer at the same time. Feeling Opposite emotions is a hard one for me-similar to HappySad. School started back at home. I’m so thankful to be here…but it is hard missing out on some of my favorite people and students. Missing out-there’s that FOMO sneaking up on me again. Sending my love to my friends, family and all the kiddos that I miss dearly. You are so loved.

My dad has been here a week and a half. Chichi=Dad. I just want to share a few of our adventures…

TO begin, my dad has hit is head everyday, multiple times-on lights, cement, ceilings, cupboards…you name it he has hit it. I have fallen down several times and we have both run into a few things. I thought I was bad with directions…but it seems that I’m actually quite capable of exploring compared to some (chichi). 🙂 Just kidding, he’s doing great. Only two big crash/burns of him getting lost. Also-of course it’s nice to have chichi here. I imagine people think I’m incapable of taking care of myself-but I assure you, I am taking care of chichi. 🙂 If you are in Japan and you hear someone in the store or on a train/bus laughing you can probably bet on it being me.

8/24 Adventure #1 OIJ ZOO! Yuko-a dear friend took us to the Zoo by train. It was an incredible Zoo. We walked around Kobe after that and we saw a STING RAY in the ocean! An animal in its natural habitat-boy does that make me happy. Throughout the past two weeks we have been able to spend some time with Yuko which is nice. I am glad that my dad gets to meet the people I surround myself with as well as my friends having a chance to meet my dad.

8/25 Adventure #2 COSTCO….Sachiko-my other favorite person took us to Costco! We parked in a parking garage and rode an escalator DOWN with OUR CART! . Wowowowowow. I had to get some groceries because it had been 3 weeks and all I had in my fridge was water 🙂 You will probably laugh out loud at what I have now…Waffles, bagels, lays potato chips and bread. We got 1 bottle of syrup..kirkland brand…for $18! I know it is expensive because it is imported but HOLY SMOKES! Then my dad is over here using it on his waffles like its free. We enjoyed a costco hotdog and soda as we would do at home and the hotdog burps were no different then the ones you get from the Costco in the USA. We have now been to costco twice. Adventure number 2 included Sachiko taking us to the most beautiful river spot and mountain view. It was breathtaking. We rang the biggest bell I have ever seen and it sent the biggest sound waves. I’m surprised you didn’t hear it.

Our first 2 days we WALKED everywhere That was unbearable so adventure #3 was navigating to Yuko’s to pick the bike up without any technology. It took us an hour or so…the next day we also stopped at Yuko’s…this time it took maybe 15 minutes. Learning my way around is a process.

8/28 Adventure #4 Back to Kobe just my dad and I. We wanted to see if we were capable of taking the train. Turns out we are. (Kind of) We went to Osaka tonight and getting back was a bit of an exploration. Glad to have my chichi here to do these things with me.

We got Seitei by an amazing lady. It was acupressure / acupuncture, chiropractic work and some use of a lit herb on the skin. Fit right in with my crystal loving self. The acupuncture was completely different than anything I have had done in the USA. I had a two hour session and my friend let my dad take her session.

8/30 I ate heart and liver 😮

We have laughed a lot. I have cried several times from laughing so hard.

(9/2)We have been lost by train and bus. Today was the first time I thought to myself, “I am not having fun, this is not fun.” That would be when I was trying to figure out how to catch the bus to get to work. (Practicing of course). Got on the wrong bus. Tried to communicate using my undeveloped Japanese skills…. My dad came along for the ride. We have a lot of fun riding around, laughing, taking pictures and being here together. Always laughing and smiling.

Last night, bike riding we saw more wild cats. an unbelievable amount…I’m talking 15+ just in one area! It makes me really sad. But then at the pet store the animals cost $1,000+!

(9/4)Yesterday, Typhoon Jebi occurred and our biggest adventure of all. While I was at work (School was cancelled for children but teachers still go) my dad went out on an exploration. I left early due to the weather and when I got home chichi was nowhere to be found and I was locked out. I waited, looked, and tried to contact him for about an hour. To say I was worried was an understatement. The most powerful typhoon within the past 25 years was about to touch ground near us and I had no idea where my dad was.

Couldn’t figure out the pay phone. Tried several times. Ended up just waiting. Eventually as the rain coming down I see my dad about 4 blocks away…he see’s me too so he’s ringing his bell. What a RELIEF.

Chichi parks his bike-and the keys are gone. He had been lost for about 2 hours previous to getting home. So happy to be home-the keys silently fell out of his pocket at some point or were left somewhere when he stopped to ask for help. We ended up retracing his steps during the beginning stages of the typhoon. SOAKED!

Cutting this one short-we got home and inside just before the wind got extreme. There was some damage done all around where we live but we were safe and all was good.

The KIX airport is now under water…(think about that for a minute). Chichi will be staying until further notice. Many places are without power. Today the power came back on at about 1:00pm at school. The children came to school for about an hour before going home.

The children here have the biggest smiles and are excited. I love seeing the children here in their classrooms…it is just like seeing students at home in their seats smiling and giggling when they see a stranger peak in the room.

Here-the teachers move rooms-not the students. So there is a teachers room where every teacher has a desk. Students stay in their same classroom all day except for specials (PE, art…). Much different than school at home! Also-the staff and students care for the school and school grounds. They keep the school clean and cared for.

Lastly-this morning (morning after the typhoon) I was excited (wakuwaku) to get to school and I got out to the bus a few minutes early. I feel like I’m at home waiting for the STA to come. Well-I waited 35 mintues for a bus that comes every 10 minutes…………….. ……………………………….Started asking drivers on a different line where the bus was at…YOU GUESSED IT-it was out of service from the Typhoon. At this point I have 5 minutes to get to school. Thank goodness for Sachiko-she picked me up and delivered me.

Got a message from Yuko today, “You’re dad is here, he got lost. I told him how to get home.” Thank goodness he was able to find her house! Now my friends are all having snacks together with CHICHI and I’m at work.

This became too long. I apologize. This is my way of keeping my memories as well as sharing them. As long as they get-I know I will look back on them in years and smile remembering the adventures.

Sightings/experiences: lizards, cats, beetles, digdigs, fishes, stingrays, roaches, amazing stationary, beaches, rivers, Japanese TV, police stations, MANUAL buses and people getting off work at all hours of the evening, monkey/owl/hedgehogs at the petstore, Osaka, Kobe, Sannomia, trains, subways, buses……I am still quite the sighting for children. My dad is too.

Remember to be kind, especially to yourself.

illie

9/05/2018

September 5, 2018
Forever revolves around YOU

FOMO and decidophobia describe me. Now, that I think of my worst qualities…how they ask that in interviews-those are my absolute worst qualities.

“We walked to dinner, ate together, and talked nearly the whole time. I was amazed that I had as much in common with her as I did. I’d been raised mostly in a completely different country, yet we were so similar.”
― J.M. Richards

This could not be more true especially with the people I have come across so far in Japan.

Tom taught me about FOMO. Fear of Missing Out. The fear of missing out held me down my entire life. You know, the fear of missing out on…births, birthdays, holidays, celebrations, tragedies, memories, children growing up, but most of all missing out on TIME. Likely, time with you-the person reading this. Time passes too fast and time is the only thing that never stops. The thought of having a defined amount of time with people who I care about scares me deep down to the core. You could tell me I have 1 year left with my parents or 45 years. There is no differentiation in the way it makes me feel thinking about having 365 days with people I love or 16,425 days with them. If I could see the future, I wouldn’t. I worry about it so much though, you would think I already know what is to come. I hate to leave because there may not be a defined amount of time I have with the people I love…but there is a limit to the amount of time each of us has. How can something that NEVER stops [time] be LIMITED?! That cannot and should not be…but that’s life and that’s the danger in FOMO. It sucks you in and traps you. My biggest anxieties revolve around these thoughts. It’s not just because I’m in a different country. These are anxieties that I have every single day-no matter where I am in the world. I guess to me FOMO means-I have to live my LIFE while others [lives] will go on without me, as they should. But, I should too. I don’t have my own family (I have MY family)…so I feel like I miss out on home. But when I leave-it’s just me leaving so everybody who stays is with their families and grounded lives. They continue to function and they don’t have that feeling of “fear of missing out” because they remain in their constant, routine life. Maybe you do have the FOMO, but I don’t feel like anybody has the fear of missing out with me-and I have the fear of missing out with so many people…especially the children that are growing so much each day…

One of my favorite lyrics from the Insane Clown Posse….

“Enjoy youth, cause that you don’t get back! Forever revolves around you. That’s your time, I’m living in mine too
How much positivity are you blind to? You only live once I’ll remind you!”

– This song is called FOREVER. If you get a chance, listen to it. This was the first time I felt like it was expected that each person be selfish, because this is our only life. It’s your time and I’m living in mine too. That hits home for me. Forever-ICP

Decidophobia-the fear of making decisions. Also me. I’m scared to make decisions because I think about what could happen either way. The amount of situations my brain goes through- makes some decisions not worth making.

My dad taught me that if I don’t make the decision, it will be made for me.

From tiny decisions to the biggest of decisions. I’ve always preferred that the choice is made for me. However, that is one thing I hope to be changing. Now when I want to say no, I say no. Which I wish people here would do too. I hate the thought of people doing something they don’t want to-even though I did that for too long. The biggest decisions are the hardest. Those decisions I usually think about what I want to do-and do the opposite. Prime Example…When people say pick a hand…I will point to the right and and before seeing what is in it I will say I want the left hand. Or Visa-versa. Heads or tails-I might pick tails and then I do what Heads was for. Some might say its a quark of mine. I’m indecisive and I’m scared of making the wrong decision. Every single day I have these fears. Do you? Apparently, not all humans get these fears/yucky feelings. Some people make it through the day without worrying, overthinking, or contemplating every choice that they make.

If you are one of those people who walks confidently in the direction of your dreams…be kind. Some people have to find the courage to get out of bed each day or the strength to make it through the day. I don’t struggle to get out of bed…I struggle to go to bed. I don’t need strength to walk out the door-I needed strength to get here.

Now-I plan on making my own decisions and instead of missing out on your life…living my own life. I want to be happy with 1 day at a time instead of worrying about the next 365. Of course, that is easier said than done. Everything in my daily life is easier said than done. Japan was not an option for me. It was pivotal step for me to grow and it was the easiest decision I have ever made. “They say” the right choice and the easy choice are not often the same…in this case “they” were wrong.

If I could rewind life-like a tape (Little Eminem knowledge) …I would have started exploring the world much earlier. The world is HUGE and I have barely seen any of it…yet I’m overwhelmed with new experiences/people/norms each day! I’m thankful to be right where I am. I probably wasn’t ready for a journey like this until now.

People do not show emotion here. I am a walking/talking basket of every emotion. I show emotion. I’ve cried several times. People do not say anything-I think they are unsure of how to react when seeing someone crying.

Sometimes people stare at me. Sometimes I stare at people. I observe more than I DO so that I can see how things are done. I hear the less you talk, the better. But when I cannot understand the language that especially seems true.

Before I came to Japan I was told a few things. . .

People will touch you-and your hair. I have had less human contact in the past three and a half weeks than ever in my life.

People will stare-mostly the children stare at me. At home when I smile a children they smile back…I smile at everybody here and I find it special when people smile back-like we are made of the same cloth.

My newest and most favorite thing is ONOMATOPOEIAS!! In Japan, dogs say wan-wan…cats say nyaa-nyaa and when you are nervous (good like butterflies or bad like moths in your belly) it is doki doki!!!!!!

Japanese culture is work oriented-100X YES. I cannot believe the amount of time that the people here put into their jobs. That’s why I smile at EVERYBODY…because people have such LONG days…I want them to see one reason to smile (even if it is a foreigner that has no idea what she is doing or where she is going).

It makes me sad that people work so much. Fear of missing out is kind of related to the fear of being replaced. Everybody is replaceable (I don’t think so) but in the work place…if somebody leaves, they will be replaced. I hate that people spend their life working so hard that they lose their sparkle. If work makes you happy-GREAT but if you work because as adults we have to…you have to limit it. Work has to be limited because our TIME is limited.

I have not seen/heard much talk of mental health. It’s a pretty down low thing here. In the USA we are behind times with mental health…but as a teacher in the US, I talk to my students about their hearts, feelings, minds and how to keep themselves happy and healthy and what to do if they are not. I tell my students at home that I love them! Those children become apart of me-they change my heart and they need to know that. I don’t think that would be acceptable here (yet).

It takes generations to make big changes-but mental and emotional health is a change I will always be passionate about. Nobody wants/chooses to be effected by mental/emotional issues…Life is just hard. I hope to be a person here that people can be open and comfortable with. Comfortable enough to share emotions that they have never had the chance to identify or put into words. Without people to love and support me, I cannot imagine living a happy and healthy life. The United States is behind in my opinion…however, we rank number 38th out of 177 countries for our suicide rate.YIKES. It has impacted my life in indescribable ways and the loss of these people/children to suicide is the most heart shattering event. Japan ranks 18th on this list. Japan has one of the highest rates for suicide. It is the leading cause of death in people under 30. Most of the lives I touch here will be people under 30…this is why every single interaction with people is important…it could be life altering, for the better. People are special, especially children.

Children are not all given the same opportunities but I hope to help every child I interact with find their own special sparkle. Adults too, because sometimes we lose our happy wandering down the road of life.

I hope that I remind every person I come in contact with that they ARE ENOUGH. Life is hard enough without the pressure. Be kind to people.

My dad comes tomorrow. He helps me find my sparkle. I hope I remind him of his too. Missing my people, as usual but finding myself in the mist of missing you. I can’t wait to show my dad the wooded area, wild cats, the most wild kmart/ross/walmart like store and see how shy he gets when people talk to us and we both have no idea what they are saying. I’m looking forward to the adventures we will have. My dad will probably end up showing me around Japan-even though I’m the one that lives here. Maybe I can let him ride on the back of my bicycle. Hah.

I have about 2 hours until my first typhoon. I was out riding my bike and the wind about blew me off. 🙂 I was laughing as I rode thinking [great here comes fall number 2, good thing my bike insurance started yesterday]!! Most days I am riding along laughing and if not laughing, smiling. I had lost that and it is something I am so happy to have found again.

A few quick learnings/things I want to tell you!!!!

The toilet paper holders here are GENIUS, we are behind the times with toilet paper holders. Pretty much the whole bathroom experience from the “privacy sound” effects to the spray and wash is oddly amazing.

Kids play/laugh/cry and throw fits the same-everywhere in the world (I know, you knew that) but I’ve come to appreciate that.

I have a doorbell/speaker phone really at my apartment, like HAPPY GILMORE…

When you buy something-you bag it yourself at MOST stores. If it is bagged for you, the bag is tapped closed. Prevents theft. Wow.

You buy refills here instead of new plastic containers. (detergents, shampoos…)

You must carry 1+ towels with you when you leave out the door. Every part of your body will sweat and you will shower 1+ times a day. Once a month laundry is no longer a choice for me…it is more like daily (due to a far less amount of clothing here with me and far more amounts of stinky sweat). At home I could probably do laundry once every six months because I have too many clothes that I never wear. Here, I wear multiple outfits a day.

When you use a public bathroom, you can use one of your towels to dry your hands-no paper towels.

Bike parking-2 hours free is one of life’s little gifts.

I saw a building that said CHAMPION and I was so excited. I’ve seen some champion sweatshirts for sale here that I’m sure I still own back home. I rode my bike to this giant [champion] building. It was a place to play Pachinko (casino). Hah. Yet again, I rode away laughing out loud.

Clothing gear that is the freshest- Fila, Champion, Lee. Self explanatory. Oh, also OVERALLS which I don’t think ever went out of style. Obviously, because I never stopped wearing them 🙂

Hope this finds you happy and healthy and SPARKLING bright. Life is hard. Share it with people who make you feel good and it becomes easier. Find the magic in the people you choose.

illie

August 23, 2018