Tag: nishinomiyamarina

  • PNW raised, Japan saved

    PNW raised, Japan saved

    HAPPY JUNE!!

    May 1, 2020 (I’m currently finishing up this blog and it is now June 9th…this blog is events from the past five months.)

    Hey you! Stop, collaborate and listen…I’m getting older so if you don’t finish that line-just consider it a generation gap. ICE IS BACK WITH MY BRAND NEW INVENTION.

    Happy, healthy, free, beautiful and safe. This has been the words I’ve repeated everyday for at least two months. Sometimes hundreds of times a day. When I began…I knew these words all hold a place deep in my bones and now I feel them.

    Find what you need and bring them to your life. 

    A year ago my dad was here.

    Right now Japan isn’t allowing flights inbound.

    I’ve been away from home for my longest stent yet with no future plans of returning. I’m starting to clean up and pack for my next adventure.

    My next adventure. Wow.

    My trip to Thailand was cancelled-because of the virus. School has been cancelled for a month and will be postponed for another month. At home, school has been cancelled for the rest of the year.

    The world is in a strange place. I hope you are staying healthy.

    For my 30th birthday I spent the day with a few friends. We ate lunch at my favorite burger shop and had cake. Relaxing way to enter my 30s.

    Not too much has happened in the past month. I’ve spent days at a time at home alone. I’ve had limited social interactions which I guess I was already use to, having been in Japan for a year and a half.

    It better prepared me for this pandemic. I have limited social interactions and many of the interactions I have daily require a mass amount of energy. On top of the energy it requires to do simple things, much of the message is lost in translation.

    That is something I miss. I miss the easiness of relationships. I miss the communication that is understood through verbal and non-verbal communication.

    My fears have evolved so much in the past two years. I use to be afraid of anything and everything. My friends, I’d have them WATCH me walk to my car at night. I’d have my mom wait up for me if I was going to come home late. I never slept with my windows open because that is terrifying. Pull up to a stoplight, make sure the doors are locked. Headphones in when walking, no way. I use to hear sounds at night and it would scare me so badly I would stay up ALL NIGHT because sleeping when you are that scared is out of the question.

    I’m in a completely different place in life, literally and figuratively. My anxiety and depression are at bay and manageable. I do have days where I do breakdown but I consider that a normal part of life-not linked to my depression and anxiety. My fears have evolved because my anxiety is manageable and I no longer worry about the things that use to hurt me. I’m coming to terms with the fact that it was never other people/things/events that hurt me. It was me, hurting ME. Figuring that out felt like a pounds of pressure off my chest. I can breathe easier.

    The only person I can control is myself. I cannot control others. What someone else does is no reflection on me or who I am. Geographically moving doesn’t fix depression/anxiety but it has helped me manage mine. Sometimes all you need is boundaries and the way you acquire them varies. My boundaries and freedom came from moving out of the country. My freedom and safety came from digging deep within. I still have a lot to unpack and to tell you the truth I’m scared to do it. I have memories and years I cannot remember. I know they are in me somewhere and there’s a reason I can’t remember. When I’m ready, I’ll start digging.

    6/1/2020

    I stopped writing a month ago because thinking about unpacking the past put me into a frenzy. It made me feel uncomfortable and uneasy. I’m not in the headspace to do this, yet. So for now-I’ll document the things I have been in the headspace to do!

    February:

    23rd: Osaka aquarium

     

    24th: pole dancing show

    March

    7: Got out of the house and went to a singles event to meet new people.

    8: Went to a friends house to meet her bunny and prairie dogs! Prairie dogs, as pets!

    Started sewing at school because students were no longer coming. Listened to hours of 48 hours podcasts, made bags, pencil cases and blankets.

    Went to an old students house to meet her family and have lunch.

    MORE sewing

    Hair became long enough for pig tails

    Trip to Thailand cancelled

    Last days at my most recent school and the last day at a school I’ve gone to once a month for the past year and a half. Cried on the way out of both.

    April

    Mom’s trip to Japan, cancelled

    End of March/beginning of April…wrote and sent out about 50-100 happies to friends all over America. They have yet to receive them…

    Chipped my front tooth. Again.

    Made an address book.

    Sakura season

     

    New school

    May:

    Work from home days because of COVID19.

    More sewing

    Set some savings goal so I can buy a little Suzuki motorcycle during my next adventure.

    Found out that my kid is actually a girl, after naming her, BOY (Otokonoko).

    Mother’s Day-love you mom.

    Beach days

    2 full days sitting with my sadness and letting it out

    More beach days

    Began packing

    Hikes with friends

    Last week I began running.

    Chipped my front tooth again-dental work

    Some weird mystery infection.

    Immigrations office

          That brings us here, to June. I’m still waiting for a refund for my trip to Thailand. Hoping to squeeze it in at some point.

    Hoping mom will be able to come visit sooner rather than later.

    School started back up today. Half the students come in the AM and the other half in the PM. That way students are distanced and we can sanitize between groups. Students have 4 classes that are each a half hour. I’ll begin classes tomorrow. I CAN’T WAIT.

    I’ve finalized my plans for moving. I’ve hired a moving company and began packing. HappySad.

    I’m ready to be back in the classroom full time. I’m anxious, excited and full of hope and energy thinking forward.

    As usual, leaving will be hard. It always is.

    Getting close to people is hard. I didn’t use to think that. It has always been easy but I have never been the person leaving until now.

    Sometimes while I’m riding my bike and I see something like…kids napping while riding on the front or back of a bicycle…I think, what a different life it is here. NO SKUNKS. People rarely get stung by bee’s. I love finding out these silly little things. JOY.

    When I moved here everything was new and now its all normal. Bicycles riding everywhere, no pattern to the foot/bike traffic. No garbage cans in public places, the normality of drinking, being completely covered in summer not letting skin show, the cost of fruit and the amount of people on trains. Things that once blew my mind I can go through a day and not notice anymore.

    I’m excited for my next journey. For all the newness and freshness. The excitement that comes with new experiences, new relationships and new challenges.
    I’ll have a heck of a time leaving Nishinomiya. I appreciate the sadness and difficulty though, because where the pain exists, love exists.

    This is the place where I started to become the person I want to be. This is the place that saved a girl who didn’t know she needed saving.

    The world is in a sad place right now. Keep being light

    Shout out to BLMkansai. We went this weekend to support the movement and it was incredible. I am happy to be apart of something so great. It was well organized and carried out smoothly. Way to go Kansai and the organziers. 

     

    Until next time.

    illie

    Rachel

  • Because I have changed

    Because I have changed

    4/10/2019

    Entrance ceremony was today. If you have never heard of or seen an entrance ceremony, you need to google it. The gym is decorated and parents, students and staff welcome new students (1st graders). The band is playing, everybody claps for an extended period of time while the new class members walk in. There are flowers, music, clapping, and speeches to welcome the new students. I’ve never seen anything like it. The beginning and end of things are celebrated here-many ceremonies.

    I’ve been going to the river each day after work to admire the cherry blossoms. I can’t get enough of the beauty and happiness of a single cherry blossom. I always say that babies bring people together. I find magic in a variety of things but especially in babies.

    Children have the power to bring families together and put sparkle back in people that have lost it. There is joy, love and happiness that stems from the presence of children.

    In Japan I see this exact magic in cherry blossoms.

    There are people sitting below cherry blossoms in every direction. I hear laughter, camera shutters, cans opening and the running river. I see couples, families, friends and children all enjoying the company of one another. People are eating, drinking, playing games and people are genuinely, happy.  I even see people like me, enjoying the beauty by themselves.

    I feel magic. Sakura season brings people together.

    There are these poles that I imagine are to keep cars of walking paths. They are about three feet tall. I have nearly walked into them while I’m looking up at the flower trees. (My dad has experience with these…I learned from his mistake.)

    I’m headed to Wakayama this weekend. I’m excited to go back.

    I went to Yuasa, Wakayama all of Saturday, stayed the night and headed home early on Sunday. Check out was at 10:00 AM and I started to feel an intense sick feeling around 9. I walked the beach in hopes that fresh air, crystals and shells would help whatever this feeling was, pass. I also wasn’t going to miss out on one last beach comb, even if I did feel miserable.

    The train I planned on taking home was cancelled. HAH. Of course it was. My two hour journey…took six hours. At one point I was suppose to switch trains. I missed that opportunity and took an hour detour. Oops.

    4/23/19

    Next week is a holiday in Japan. Golden week. I heard before moving here how big of a deal golden week is. However, this year it is extra special. For the first time in 50 some years there will be 10 days off in a row! You know what that means.

    Father will be here.

     

    5/10/19

    Hard to believe that Golden Week has already come and gone. I’ve been back at work for an entire week.

    5/13/19

    Quick flashback of April.

    Cherry blossoms.

    School party.

    Nishinomiya Storks basketball game.

    Old Spaghetti factory

    chipped tooth

    Chichi arrived

    Treasure stores

    Tigers game

    May:

    Osaka Aquarium

    Nishinomiya Marina Celebration-new Emporer

    Beach days at Suma

    Shell collecting and crab hunting

    Dentist x2

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    Little China Town

    Nishinomiya beach-Kite flying and crab hunting

    This day-my dad used his famous reverse psychology. “You can’t ride your bike through the sand.”

    Tell me I can’t and I’ll show you I can.

    Which I did…until the sand got too deep and I had this terrible, horrible, slow motion fall, into the sand. I was laughing too hard to get up and my bike was on top of me. My dad was watching from afar. After being on the ground laughing for a few minutes, a woman came and pulled my bike off of me. I was laughing from embarrassment and because falling off your bike is always funny, as long as you are okay. Then a group of children came and asked me if I was okay.

    Children’s day

    Dad left

    I go to a Special Education school once a month. The teachers are some of the best I have ever seen. The way they care for the students and know each one is inspiring.

     

    All sorts of new things at Mikura, in Kobe. I went to this amazing restaurant with my friend, Ayano. [When my bag didn’t make it to Japan, Ayano was the one who helped me at the airport-that is when our friendship began.] We went to her parents restaurant where I tried food I never thought I’d EVER eat.

    I started by trying those tiny little [whole] squids and the fish with the skin. There was clam, squid, octopus, tuna and many more finely prepared fish. It was displayed beautifully and prepared by Ayano’s family. Her parents are the owners of this fabulous place. The tempura was the best I have ever had. Maybe, the best food I have ever had.

    When I experience new things like this-I feel like a child. I am surprised and in awe. My facial expressions and the sounds I make, are a show for people to watch. Which I don’t mind…I love when I see a children experiencing something for the first time. I’d enjoy watching me too, where the same joy, surprise and happiness that is displayed by a five year old can be observed in a 29 year old who is just seeing a new world, for the first time.

    Sei Tai-massage, muscle stretching, chiropractic work. AMAZING.

    Out and about. Met new friends and a furry one 🙂


    And this brings us to present day. Mother’s Day in the USA.


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    I know many wonderful mothers. Grandmothers who are mothers for the second time ‘round. People who care for children that may not call them, mom. I celebrate many people today, but most of all, my own Mama.

    Mom’s are so busy with life and children that it seems like it would be easy to forget:

    you have a little human who wants to be just like you.

    I remember having the thought when I was younger-how can we all call an amazing, caring, loving, woman by the same name?  How can every single mother, be called mom?? How can I call my mom by the same name everybody else uses for their mom?!

    I thought that each mom should have a name that is special to her, because each mom is special.

    But it isn’t the name that is special. It is the woman behind the name.

    Some people don’t associate the word mom with love, sunshine, happiness, flowers, support, animals, and joy-like I do. When I say I want to be a mother-I don’t mean I simply want a child.

    I want to be that deep rooted starshine for a child. I want to be my mom, for my own. My mom brings sunshine to not only my life, but all who know her. I have the pleasure of saying, “I’m just like my mom, we love everything and anything makes us happy”. I can only hope that one day I have a child who loves me as much as I love my mama. My mom would read to me until I fell asleep. She would get me my favorite popsicles when I was sick. When I need to know how to cook chicken [or anything] I still call her. When I don’t know what to eat for dinner, I call my mom and she decides.

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    We laugh. My mom refills my heart. I miss you mama and I wait for your time in Japan.

    Happy Mother’s Day, Mama.

    I’m missing my favorite time of year in Spokane. I love when the grass is greener than ever and all that was sleeping during the cold is coming back to life. I’m already dripping sweat here.

    I have a daily battle with my hair. I like to have it up high so it’s off my neck-but when it is up high I can’t wear my ball cap. [Therefore, they made visors.] However, I have not yet brought myself to get one. I guess I’ll do that this week. The thought of shaving my head has also crossed my mind a dozen times, but I’m too scared to just do it.

     

    I’ve began to experience a different kind of joy, love and life that is new to me.

    The more I love life and myself, the more life loves me back.

    My thoughts shape my days. I’ve always been a positive person, maybe more so on the outside. Now I radiate happy because I’m positive on the inside. I guess my way of thinking has changed which is changing me.

    This reminds me. My dad’s first visit here, we were talking with somebody about my first month here. I was explaining how people never smiled at me or said hello. They told me, “just wait, in a few months everybody will be saying hello and talking to you”. I thought…Hmmh, maybe they just have to see me around the neighborhood enough and be comfortable with me before the conversations begin.

    9 months later, I don’t go out the door without seeing a student or saying hello to somebody. I told my dad this and he saw it when he was here. We thought of what the man had said about everybody saying hello in a few months.

    My dad said something along the lines of,

    “I don’t think it’s because the people here changed, I think it’s because you changed

    Holy goodness. How powerful is that?

    Because I’ve changed.

    Yesterday, I went to my favorite Ramen Shop. Really just my favorite place in Japan. There was one seat open, in between two strangers. 10 months ago, I would have left. Yesterday, I squeezed right up in there without hesitating.

    As I sat there, I thought…this is where it all began.

    My first day in Japan. Rai Rai Tei is where it all started.

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    My change.


    My love for Shirohige and Onepiece.

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    My appreciation for unspoken communications.


    My love for Japan and myself.


    Yesterday when I sat down, the employee pointed to what I always get and I said, “yes”. This is the majority of our communication. Yet, I love these people, the restaurant and I am comfortable here. We have never communicated in one another’s language, but we communicate. I look forward to seeing the staff and I feel welcome. I enjoy everything about this place and I go at least once a week. This is a special place for me. This new happiness, it began, there.

    There are so many point cards used in Japan. I am a proud card holder for two craft stores and a mall.

    The super nintendo is different for foreigners. The one they use here looks different.

    Mother’s Day is not as big of a deal as it is in the USA.

    Students are having a trial week. They are all out at different jobs, seeing what it is like for a week, in a work place!!

    I am going to be helping some elementary students learn English a few times a month.

    For the amount of time I have spent studying Japanese, you would expect me to be fluent. I’m uh…beginner level. Japanese is DIFFICULT.

    I use a calendar now.

    I’ve stayed up a few times until the sun comes up-who knew I was such a youngster still. I didn’t know I had that in me.

    I stopped using my heat about a month ago. I started leaving my windows open…Now I think it is going to stay cooler if I keep everything shut!

    Students here have 220 days of school, compared to our 180.

    Students have club activity on weekends, which means teachers do too. One day off a week (maybe) for most teachers.

    When I get home, I take my shoes off without thinking about it.

    Chopsticks are easier to use for some foods-like noodles.

    Most students are seeing green eyes for the first time, when they see mine. My skin is finally starting to clear!! YAY!

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    I’m in need of some new shorts now that summer is arriving. Even in the USA I hate shopping for shorts/janes. Finding a good fit is rare. Here, I have not had the energy to look, yet. However, the rising temperatures will force me to, soon.

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    illie